How did you tell your child? / Did you tell them?

Post Reply New Topic

I am just curious - how did any of you tell your child that they were on the spectrum, and how did they react? Or did you not tell them, and why?

My son is 6, and we are in the process of having him evaluated at school - and will probably move to a counselor after that for an actual diagnosis.

I told my daughter before she was officially diagnosed. She is 13 and was diagnosed last November. Last September, a social worker told me that without a doubt my daughter had aspergers and once I started reading about it, I realized this was my daughter exactly and it explained so much.

After reading about it and thinking about it for a few days, I told my daughter and she was relieved because she knew she was different and now she knew why. She had been having a lot of trouble at school and at home and felt bad for her meltdowns, etc. She has totally accepted being aspergers and is actually quite proud of it. I think it allows her to be herself and she seems a lot happier since the diagnosis.

I am waiting for an official diagnosis, but S1 knows that it's a possibility and this is why he has to do all this testing, etc. to see if it is indeed true.

DS is 8 and is always saying "no one understands me" and "no one likes me". He is being evaluated at school, and if it becomes "official" I will tell him right away. I think it will be a huge relief to him.

I have the opposite issue b.c our son has no clue he is different b/c he doesn't pay enough attention to the other children to know it. We initially did not tell him b/c he was young, we were afraid of who he would tell (like unsupportive relatives) and b/c we felt he would not understand. Now that he is older and the other issues matter less, he is just not interested. We can't figure out a way to do it without introducing a feeling of stigma. So we are mainly doing what we have always done and talk about how different people think differently, etc. I don't censor myself in front of him, and have this site open a lot, so we aren't hiding it.

If your child notices the differences it makes it easier. You can also explain it in context of why he will be going to a counselor. My son was not remotely interested in why he had speech or OT, and there were so many kids with various pulls, it did not seem weird to him. if your child is more socially aware, it will be easier.

Edited to fix typing stupidity.

Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 17 Apr 2014, 1:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Here is a post from when I was asking the same questions in a thread you might find interesting:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5493030 ... t=#5493030

Here is post about the day I told my son:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5660454 ... t=#5660454


Good luck with the whole thing--in the end it was much easier than I had thought and it's very good to have it behind us.

Thanks for the links, and for your story. My parents never thought to have me tested...or so they say - even though my mother is the one that encouraged my wife and I repeatedly to have our son tested - but now that I am on the other side of my own aspie diagnosis I can now view life through a very different lens.

I don't want to take that opportunity away from our son - but I know that we will have to find the right time to talk to him about it.

We found several books at the library perfect for the age of your son. One was "All Cats Have Asperger's". The name might be confusing, but you could say that means on the spectrum, or that means autism. My guy was older than yours, but he still liked that book because he likes cute things.

The one thing we knew to keep in mind was to not make a big deal of it. We would show a relevant book and wait a week before showing another, so he get's the idea of what Asperger's meant. Then I read the first book again and commented, "Oh, yeah, you have Asperger's." At times I didn't get the sense that he got it when he actually did. I probably emphasized it too much and made him upset. That was years ago and he's fine now.

My daughter is six. She is very very smart. She is also very much her own person.

We have never *not* told her. Shes always known as long as we have. When it came time to put a "word" on it, I said to her, "You know how you think differently than most other people do?" "Yea?" "That's called autism." "Oh. Neat."

To be honest, she would not know she is different if we didn't tell her. As smart as she is... she doesn't notice social things, at all. Period. Unfortunately everything social, all of it, will need to be learned cognitively and part of that is learning to see the difference OR accepting that it is there when someone else tells you. This was very hard for her to understand, but she now accepts it. It's mildly humorous because sometimes she will stand there frozen and say "I've missed something." or " I don't understand whats going on, explain it." or "This is too complicated for me right now. (referring to a birthday party) Can I sit upstairs with the adults and eat cake?" I've told her that sometimes thinking things out and realizing that you might be out of sorts is a good first step. It took me 30 years myself to realize that I was different and that I needed to learn to fake it, the least I can do is give her a head start.

We include her in on most discussions and let her make some of her own choices regarding treatment/therapy and her future.
I can't reasonably expect her to ever make good decisions as an adult if I don't let her try along the way.

For example last week the school said that her behavior had "improved" enough that she could accelerate 1 grade if we wanted. I didn't know the answer so I asked her what she wanted to do. I explained that the work would be harder, more would be expected of her, and that it would be all different kids in her class, all older, and a new teacher too. She opted to accelerate. If she didn't want to do it, she would still be in the first grade. 100% her choice.

I think I just told my son the first time I saw him after I found out. We were both diagnosed at the same time.

How would you tell your kid that the doctor said his test for strep throat was positive?

That was the general way I told my son. I told him, then answered any questions he had. It was not a big deal.



To educate our extended family (cousins), they all watched the Arthur episode with George (a kid with Aspergers). I found that helpful for the little people who weren't experiencing it themselves.

My son's self-evaluation showed that he found himself to be very atypical. So, I think it was somewhat of a relief to him. He is aware enough to know he's different, though he is most likely to think, "what's wrong with everybody else?".

Thanks for the Arthur reference - I actually found the full episode on Youtube.

We used the same method as CWA - "You think differently than other people" Of course our daughter found a way to try and make it work for her,
"Mom, I shouldn't have to do this homework - I have that brain thing."

Needless to say she still had to do the homework.