Hello everyone (long winded post!)

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I'm a male 37 year old Unix Administrator / Programmer who's recently been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.

My entire life I've felt "out of the loop" when it comes to interacting with people. Even when I'm interacting with people, for the most part I feel like I'm on the outside, just watching everyone.

People watching me, probably didn't see anything too unusual when I was a child. I had friends, but friends I did "stuff" with, like ride bikes, etc. The trouble started in my teenage years when (from what I've read), more intimate relationships develop. I gradually withdrew. Then I discovered the "world" inside an 8-bit computer and fell headfirst into it. My typical shedule was to go to my bedroom after dinner and use the computer all night. I'd go to bed around 3 or 4 AM and end up bleary eyed in school the next day. Because of that, my horrific grades, long hair, and Led Zeppelin T-Shirts, my teachers assumed I was doing drugs. In a way I WAS doing "drugs" for escape. But the drug was a computer.

My friends in those days were all computer "geeks" like myself who would gather to talk about computers and video games. What I despirately wanted was a real realtionship.

I moved out when I was 24 and became even more miserable. I hadn't had more than a few dates, (all of which were disastars).

Then I met a woman whom I'm now married to. The marriage isn't a happy one, and I don't think the relationship was EVER really good, but somehow we stay together.

I'd never heard of AS until we had a child. He was a different sort of child from the start, but I thought he was just "marching to the beat of a different drummer".

Our first clue something was up with him was when we took him in for his 2 year checkup. The doc found out that he could read Dr. Seuss books cover-to-cover. We didn't know that was "too early" to be reading.

Three years later we've learned a lot about AS and have finally found a therapy that seems to really help, Relationship Development Intervention, (RDI for short).

In reading about AS I noticed many similarities to the case subjects and myself. I started to wonder if I had it.

I'm seeing a therapist for severe depression who also specializes in helping children on the austic spectrum. She's absolutely convinced I have AS. My wife also shows signs of spectrum disorder, although she won't admit it, or admit I have AS.

It's both distressing and oddly comforting to learn I have AS. It's distressing because I realize I may NEVER connect with people as much as I'd love to be able to do. But comforting because I know know where to start to try to help my son and myself.

Sorry about the long-winded post, but it's hard to sum up a life in a paragraph.

its good to note that you can see both the positives and negatives..some people get diagnosed and think it means the end of the world...
good luck with all of it.

arashi, a lot of what you say resonates with me. i'm 42, never fitted in, etc., etc. i'm waiting for a diagnosis (forever, probably), but knowing that i probably have AS is a relief in a way - i'll know what i can do and what i'm going to find difficult or impossible, and so i can arrange my life around that, work around things as much as i can.

you've been doing it for 37 years, so that says something. - you're a trooper.

keep on keeping on. you are not alone.

V.