Do you socialize better 1 on 1 or in groups of people

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QuiversWhiskers
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19 Dec 2014, 6:32 pm

One on one was better with some people; with others I'd fail completely. But the problem with one-on-one is that you are the only other person who can talk so there is a huge amount of pressure. You can't just sit back and let other people talk, desperately trying to figure out when to say something yourself and then feeling like a failure and feeling unheard and disappointed when you can't.

Used to have trouble in small groups, but now, not so much. Usually successful now one-on-one if I am not fascinated with the person or very nervous or if they aren't a stranger.

I can be very talkative in groups of people I have known for a while.



Rocket123
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19 Dec 2014, 7:59 pm

For me, it depends.

If I have to talk (and participate equally in a conversation), then I do better in 1:1 or 1:2 encounters.

If I am free to simply listen and let others do all the talking (and occasionally saying a word or two), than I do better with a larger group of people.

My preferred way of “socializing” is to just listen. Though, my therapist explained to me that simply listening is not really socializing.



Almajo88
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20 Dec 2014, 6:09 pm

I absolutely cannot deal with more than 1-on-1 groups, and in fact that is why I don't post much on forums and never use chat rooms. The natural thing to think is that I perhaps don't have the self-confidence to deal with lots of people but I think the reality is that I only get on with a small number of people who are aware and intelligent enough to really engage on a self-aware, "meta" kind of level.



Outrider15
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28 Dec 2014, 7:49 am

Almajo88 wrote:
I absolutely cannot deal with more than 1-on-1 groups, and in fact that is why I don't post much on forums and never use chat rooms. The natural thing to think is that I perhaps don't have the self-confidence to deal with lots of people but I think the reality is that I only get on with a small number of people who are aware and intelligent enough to really engage on a self-aware, "meta" kind of level.
\

Actual studies are done on stuff like this. Groups often mean the members all have less personal 1 on 1 interaction, and that the conversations are less deep. The meta, self-aware thing, you are right and I agree. In groups this is prevented from happening like one on one convos.

Anyway, I definitely prefer 1 on 1, but can handle 2 other people.

I use to be in a group of 3 friends - me, and two brothers who were both equally my friend.

3 is a struggle but I can survive, four's a crowd!!



TheAP
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29 Dec 2014, 1:56 pm

My one-on-one conversational skills are a bit touch-and-go--sometimes I do okay, but sometimes I can't think of anything to say and it's just so awkward. But in groups, I usually find myself sort of losing hold of the conversation as it moves on. So it depends, I guess. But what I like the best is to be in a small group of 3 or 4 (so there's not as much pressure to be interesting as with one-on-one) and for the others to be actively including me and asking me questions. That way I don't feel either awkward or left out.



Lilblizzy
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02 Jan 2015, 11:20 am

I interact better when it's one on one conversation. I can deal with very small groups of people, for a very short period of time, only if I know them well. Anything other than that, and I check out of the conversation.



Feyokien
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04 Jan 2015, 6:16 pm

Small groups, of course it isn't really different than one on one, but I'm able to pass my "speaking turn" and can get away with it for a few turns so I can last much longer. Any one on one conversation I try usually goes downhill fast, I stop having things to say and then there's awkward silence. I don't find it awkward but neurotypicals find it awkward which in turn makes me think I should think its awkward. Neurotypicals need to learn to not have to talk so much.



Echolalia
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04 Jan 2015, 8:33 pm

Groups it's easier to drift in and out of the group without drawing attention to yourself. Easier to participate by smiling and nodding, rather than being expected to express your opinion, more time for me to filter what I'm doing to say. I don't like one on one at all.


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hmk66
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21 Feb 2015, 5:38 am

Actually I don't have problems with groups, but the main issue is interrupting. When two people are talking, I should not interrupt them, they told me. They are right, because I myself hate being interrupted as well, when I am talking with someone. But... they themselves do interrupt.

Not allowing to interrupt someone can be a problem, especially when at work a statement or a question is work related. I have to say something because of my work. NTs generally don't notice that I want to say something (which may be important). I try to make eye-contact, but they don't notice that. Saying the name of the person I want to talk to, is also ignored. There is a way to circumvent it, although I don't like it: sending them a mail, and then hope that the mail will be read. When something is really important and time-dependent, I prefer to say it from person to person and not using mail, whatsapp or other internet feature, because the communication will be (too) slow.



JT_UK
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21 Feb 2015, 6:22 am

I would say one on one conversations work better for me.