I think I have learned a lot and changed a lot for the last 25 years or so, because I think if I did things that were 'out of the norm', the response was approbrium and condemnation and I soon altered my behaviours to try to fit in the best way I could.
One thing I have noticed though, is that I get extremely irritated with Very Loud noises, multiple conversations or people talking at once, and certain other noises that get made sometimes. I am not sure if - because I'm actually getting on in years (40 last year), my hearing is getting a bit cock-eyed, because there are often people who are maybe 10 or 20 years older than me, who do not seem to mind the noise levels or the type of noise. The other thing I notice is that I have always had this problem, but I have never really been able to identify exactly what it was before. I only noticed because if I just relax and try to 'let go', all the different conversations just blur and become incomprehensible, while the noises like those 'klaxons(?)' and whistles they have on football matches that are screened on Sky Sports become almost intolerable, whereas everyone else around me seems wholly unaffected. I also hate the noise of police sirens, especially when someone is trying ot talk at me at the same time.
I noticed this today (and yesterday), in various 'back to work' seminars I have been on (the office-block fronts onto the high street, so there are police car sirens all the time), and I also noticed that when 3 or 4 people are talking at once, I just withdraw into a 'shell', because I get really irritable about it and can't say anything for fear of offending someone. I also noticed that in the classroom setting, I was trying to write something down while thinking about it, but because there were loads of people talking at the same time, I just couldn't do it.
I have learned that one of the reasons I get stressed when I am in a noisy, crowded and busy place like a badly organised classroom/seminar, or in the bar or pub, is that I cannot single out the conversation I am supposed to be following. Even if I am on my own, I get massively irratated to the brink of apoplexy when there are seven conversations (usually loud), as well as a television set and a jukebox blaring loudly at me. To my mind, this is not so much my showing evidence of an AS/ASD Sensory Issue, so much as my not being able to sort out all the different signals coming in at once. Maybe my hearing is shot because I played to much loud music when I was younger. The only thing here is that the noises seem to be 'too loud', rather than not loud enough.
Is this evidence of 'deafness' (even though the noises are loud), and should I cancel the idea of getting an iPod, because it won't be much use to me if I can't hear it properly? Or should I say 'hang the expense', and buy one while I can stilll get some use out of it?
26 Jul 2005, 7:22 pm
