Moving forward

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I need some advice/anecdotes for moving on from a failed relationship please.
My marriage is over, we separated four months ago, it was the sensible decision.
It sounds crazy, but I miss him, I hoped that I could kill that irrational love by facing up to the negative aspects of our marriage, but no, it hasn't worked.
I am pining for him and the life we built together for over a decade. It can not work, there is zero hope for reconciliation, we live in different countries, are better people when we are separate... the sensible reasons for it being over are irrefutable.
I don't know if it is all this valentines day rubbish, but I miss him, even though I know the marriage is and should remain irreconcilable.

Within my life, I don't think of "failed" relationships as necessarily "failed"--they are, instead, lessons learned about life.

Usually, I have maintained friendships with my exes (all "girlfriends"). I would guess that, fortunately, no children were involved which might have involved discord as to custody and issues like that.

You have a long life ahead of you. You have your aesthetic and individual interests. You are now an autonomous person. You have the freedom to pursue "better" things.

This is the way I would look at it.

Frequently, women, especially, have thrived once they stopped having a relationship with a man who doesn't desire a lady to be autonomous--to be her own person.

The therapist I’m seeing thinks that this is normal, because it is quite recent and says time will allow me to heal, she thinks that I am very harsh towards myself and need to have a more gentle, patient approach. I’m frustrated by feeling weak and with progress happening so slowly, I was the opposite of this, and more capable.

I do need to redirect my focus onto better things, my motivation levels are quite low. I don’t recognise who I am by comparison to the woman I was three years ago. I’ve changed so much. If I could learn some life lessons that would be great, I’m still trying to make sense of what happened, I know all the facts, but there is something blocking me from reaching the level of understanding necessary to learn.
Thanks for the word thrive; I had forgotten it was one of my motivators for originally making changes in my life.

Hello Amity,

It is perfectly natural to go through a grieving process when you lose a spouse, be it from death or suicide. Just give yourself time to feel the sadness and loneliness, and eventually it will lessen. It will get easier. Don't feel bad if it takes a while, it is a gradual process.

Hi czarsmom, yes indeed time.
I guess I'm impatient with the process of grief, hopefully the relationship ending will alter the direction of my life away from the unnecessary negativity in recent years, and with time and reflection I'm sure I will learn some life lessons.