Fired and Banned: Wound Re-Opened

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Recently, a rejection letter came in the mail for my second request to have my ban lifted for the premises of my last job. When stuff like this happens, it re-opens up a wound for me. It's a hard one to heal when people close to me still work there.

My termination was for poor performance which was accompanied by an ejection for "office behavior". Nobody cared to elaborate what that meant. Social difficulty and awkwardness on the job was common for me in the office. Such was just how my autism presented itself. There was never any aggression that went with it nor any misconduct on my record.

But the difficulties did lead to ostracism from the rest of the team at the request of my boss. After about a year of this, he did eventually start managing me out. This process eventually drove me to tears. A security incident was filed because of this. The incident report would have nothing bad to say about me. Police and medical deemed me not to be a threat to myself or those around me.

While applying anyways, this ban leaves me feeling unsafe when it comes to finding other work. Will the next place ban me too or just fire me and leave it at that? What scares them about me? It could be anything. The site of the Sandy Hook massacre is less than a hundred miles from where I live. For all I know, it could have created a lasting cultural hostility towards people like me.

Beyond that, there are a lot of people who deemed me unfit for most employment which has me going through the process of filing for disability. I'm mostly a shut-in these days struggling to find ways to reconnect with the outsiders at all. But there's a happy ending somewhere out there. That there are people in my life who believe in me gives me some hope. Whether disabled or not, I love them back and that's what helps keep me going.

I have one bit of advice:

And this not meant as a criticism, please don't interpret it as so.

Do yourself a favor, and MOVE ON. Life is like that. You can't always have success in everything.

Most likely, when you're searching for a new job, they won't mention why you're fired. They'll only give the dates of your employment. If you are asked about the "gaps" in your employment, say that you were taking care of a sick relative.

I was fired unfairly similar to this, and it took me like six years to stop constantly fantasizing about murdering the person who did it. I still get mad if I drive close to the place of my former employment even though the company was sold a couple of years ago and no one I hate is there anymore.

Although I consider it correct to try to get over it, that's easier said than done. My only solution was to listen to Eminem's hate-lyrics and let myself go into an absolute orgy of hating them, which after about an hour made me feel bored of hating them and produced something like a sense of relief for getting it out of my system.

But in any case you should probably stop asking them to lift the ban, since their rejection letters will only reopen old wounds as you will feel rejection again and again.

I don't know why you would expect the ban to be lifted. Almost no one can come back to a place of employment to "visit". Even if you retired on good terms, very few places allow that anymore. Let alone someone who was terminated.

You don't have a reason to be there. You aren't working there anymore. It isn't the company's job to make working through your grief any easier. My husband had HUGE issues with this, and his company royally screwed him. He wanted to go back to question and get answers. There are none. The company didn't want him, he didn't have a contract and in a right to work state the company can kick your ass to the curb at anytime.

Legally the company is doing a CYA. It comes across more "creepy" that you asked for the ban to be lifted, because most employees would have no or little interest in returning to a work place that they left on bad terms. You will not walk into the office and empty a Glock into the closest 10 people you meet. The company trusts no one, and with work place violence being a real issue, no chances are taken with ANYONE. Not just you. People who retire get walked by security to their cars. Companies have gotten paranoid about this issue, so believe me, it isn't only you.

My Aspie husband ruminates on this being let go. He wants to know specifics. He wants to debate the boss and co workers that they were wrong.

The PP is right. You need to move on. If the place wasn't a good fit, it was a matter of when you would be let go instead of if.

You are a good person with skills. Don't ruminate on things that will not change. Look at the future as an opportunity, and you to find a better place.

Good luck!♡

Question....

Are your co workers true friends? People who would help you move out of a house, loan money really be there when s**t hits the fan, or are they really pleasant people to work with and see socially once in a while outside of work.

My husband confuses the two. The thought his workers were true friends. They were not. They treated him nice, we went out socially, but they were NOT true friends. They care, but not much. They weren't rude or nasty, but once he was let go, the co workers were not interested in seeing him.

This blew my husband's mind, and he still doesn't understand levels of friendship.

My wife works there. There are practical family benefits tied close to the job site. My ban lift requests were painful but necessary enough to endure it.

Moving on? Sure! Forgiving one's assailant can be an important part of any recovery. It's just not a shortcut. There are a lot of vocational and mental health professionals in my life who all agree that I'm not ready to return to work for any employer right now.

In the meantime, I work really hard at my homemaker duties and the feedback I seek from my wife has been positive. For the time being, I'm employed in every way that matters.

As for "true friends", I believe friendship is magic. It makes for some great cartoons but it doesn't exist in real life. Why the few "friends" I do have put up with me I have no clue. But I can't complain. They do make life more interesting.

I got fired from my job last October. I know it was due to communication issues between my young, inexperienced manager and myself complicated by my Aspergers. I was treated very unfairly and I was really mad but I had to let it go and move on. I now have a much better job so it was really a good thing.

I understand that your wife still works there and there may be practical reasons you would want to be allowed to return to the location, but I think you should have let it go after the first request, they've made themselves clear. Continued requests could be perceived as a threat and you may find yourself the subject of a restraining order, which will look even worse to a future employer.

Time to move on. If you're unable to move on all by yourself, consider seeking professional help to do so.

Also, stay away from your ex-employer. Stop asking to have the ban lifted and/or expecting an explanation for what you did wrong. The ship sailed long, long ago!

"Moving on" suggests bitterness about the past. My concern is with present day issues like gasoline or medication or peace of mind that I could help my wife out in a snowstorm without fear of being arrested for it.

Maybe "moving on" and "sucking it up" are one in the same. So be it.