Canvas of flesh

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A bit dated, not great, but I'm feeling nostalgic for when I used to listen to this s**t, and it's one of few songs I know that deals with this subject matter...maybe the act of listening to it is actual self mutilation lol

Anyone who knows me has already witnessed me b***h and moan about dumb stuff, and know full well I never do anything about it. I suppose, thanks in large part to finding more on the red pill and MGTOW, I've traded self pity and suicidal tendencies for a more widespread cynicism for everything else. They do talk about red pill rage being a stage, so perhaps it'll pass, but for now it's better than blaming myself for everything and feeling guilty for no good reason. And it's really not so much hate or anger as it is finally understanding more about evolutionary psychology, society, and bucking roles placed on us as men. Used to think I didn't care about what others thought, only now do I realize how much I was just unable to see having tried to hold myself accountable to others' expectations, that despite being unrealistic are seen as "normal" in today's world.

I may still not be able to back up what I preach, as far as actions go I'm still doing much of the same, just my outlook is changing...One step I have taken being I've started applying for new jobs, in hopes I can accumulate as much wealth as possible and not be so wasteful on anything or anyone else, just do what I want with it. Another thing, very small, doesn't matter much at all - rather associating with cats, I've found tigers, at least male, to be far more solitary. Not talking about the -kin bs that safespacers go overboard with, but for a nihilist, it's as close to something spiritual I'll get. A standard I've set for myself.

And so, I've still got my tiger stripes. Plenty of cuts I've given myself in the past, from my teens and up til just 4 or 5 months ago, and I can never let them heal. Have already talked about things like drinking bleach or inhaling chloramine before, as well as drop hanging, but those are more final. Drinking alcohol has been a vice, but not necessarily for the intent of self harm. Cutting and subsequently picking the scars every night have become a sort of addiction, as has the smell of the blood and feeling of it trickling down. I wonder, how often is this a thing for other autists? Especially non suicidal ones? At this point it's more of a curiosity, not really seeking help...though I figure perhaps someday it would do me good to try it on others(consenting, of course).

Whats red pill rage?