14 Mar 2018, 5:31 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I've actually been told my brain stopped developing when I turned 25. 
Everyone's brain stops developing at 25 as that's the age the brain finishes maturing.
As for the topic, niceness itself is neither necessarily going to make nor break your romantic chances. Being kind to your partner and having that reciprocated is important in a long-term relationship, but niceness on its own generally doesn't win any hearts. It's got to be in conjunction with other attractive features and qualities. Few people are with their partner because they're 'nice' and for no other discernable reason.
Why do you keep following my threads? You've even said you don't want me to have a girlfriend.
14 Mar 2018, 5:32 pm
14 Mar 2018, 6:29 pm
Marknis wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I've actually been told my brain stopped developing when I turned 25.
Everyone's brain stops developing at 25 as that's the age the brain finishes maturing.
As for the topic, niceness itself is neither necessarily going to make nor break your romantic chances. Being kind to your partner and having that reciprocated is important in a long-term relationship, but niceness on its own generally doesn't win any hearts. It's got to be in conjunction with other attractive features and qualities. Few people are with their partner because they're 'nice' and for no other discernable reason.
Why do you keep following my threads? You've even said you don't want me to have a girlfriend.
I never said anything of the sort. Quote me and link to the thread and prove me wrong if you can.
15 Mar 2018, 5:35 am
Marknis wrote:
I'm always being told to accept my singlehood and to focus on other things. I just can't stop thinking about the fact I am single and my brain refuses to undergo neuroplasicity so I can't make any changes. I've actually been told my brain stopped developing when I turned 25.
The people who say that might be trying to help you... I can't say for sure, but I think that a guy being obsessed with the idea of getting a girlfriend is a serious red flag for most women for many reasons. Like if I knew someone was desperate to get a girlfriend and he asked me out then I couln't help but wonder if he really did it because he liked me as a person or if he did it just because I happen to be a woman. There are also those that fear a desperate guy would become really clingy and jealous if he did get a chance, as well as those who fear that the gloomy guy will hurt himself if they give him a chance and then things don't work out after all.
The point? I'm not saying you should stop trying to get a girfriend, but you shouldn't be obsessed about it. As far as I know I've never been the target of someone's obsession, but it's probably scary being in that situation since you can't know what the other person will do. So keep looking but do other stuff, too. Don't focus on the matter too much because it'll make you seem desperate and that's red flag for most people.
15 Mar 2018, 7:59 am
15 Mar 2018, 9:34 am
Spiderpig, I've actually had a girlfriend before. Your post doesn't apply for me.
Fireblossom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I'm always being told to accept my singlehood and to focus on other things. I just can't stop thinking about the fact I am single and my brain refuses to undergo neuroplasicity so I can't make any changes. I've actually been told my brain stopped developing when I turned 25.
The people who say that might be trying to help you... I can't say for sure, but I think that a guy being obsessed with the idea of getting a girlfriend is a serious red flag for most women for many reasons. Like if I knew someone was desperate to get a girlfriend and he asked me out then I couln't help but wonder if he really did it because he liked me as a person or if he did it just because I happen to be a woman. There are also those that fear a desperate guy would become really clingy and jealous if he did get a chance, as well as those who fear that the gloomy guy will hurt himself if they give him a chance and then things don't work out after all.
The point? I'm not saying you should stop trying to get a girfriend, but you shouldn't be obsessed about it. As far as I know I've never been the target of someone's obsession, but it's probably scary being in that situation since you can't know what the other person will do. So keep looking but do other stuff, too. Don't focus on the matter too much because it'll make you seem desperate and that's red flag for most people.
There's actually a YouTuber called Jamil the King who would post constant videos of how he couldn't get a girlfriend. He did finally get a girlfriend but they broke up because she felt Jamil only wanted her because no other women liked him. His ex stated that he would sometimes say things like "I can't get anyone else." and Jamil kept shouting her down (Someone leaked the audio of their breakup). I wouldn't say something like that to a girlfriend because it would convey the message that I just see her as an object rather than as a person.
A part of me does realize that my thought patterns haven't been helping me for nearly 12 years now. They are almost like how I used to hope "God's plan" would happen for me.
15 Mar 2018, 9:40 am
15 Mar 2018, 12:30 pm
15 Mar 2018, 1:11 pm
15 Mar 2018, 1:18 pm
15 Mar 2018, 3:00 pm
15 Mar 2018, 5:14 pm
Fireblossom wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
Like if I knew someone was desperate to get a girlfriend and he asked me out then I couln't help but wonder if he really did it because he liked me as a person or if he did it just because I happen to be a woman.
And that's the perpetual, unsolvable conundrum for those of us who've never had a chance with anyone. Since you're not born acquainted with anyone, at first, the only things an unfamiliar man can know about you are 1) that you happen to be a woman (yes, I know you can't always tell, but this is beside the point) and 2) what you happen to look like. Therefore, the decision to try to get to know you has to be made with only these criteria. There's no way around that, so if you want to hold it against the man, you'd have to hold it against every man who's ever approached you, or else wilfully engage in a whimsical double standard.
It's not your fault that this is the case, but it is the case anyway.
Fireblossom wrote:
There are also those that fear a desperate guy would become really clingy and jealous if he did get a chance, as well as those who fear that the gloomy guy will hurt himself if they give him a chance and then things don't work out after all.
So unfortunately the only way to be safe is to never give any of us any chance. I know there are two sides to this coin: it takes particular courage on the part of the woman, so the man should really appreciate it and remember that women live in a more dangerous world.
Fireblossom wrote:
The point? I'm not saying you should stop trying to get a girfriend, but you shouldn't be obsessed about it. As far as I know I've never been the target of someone's obsession, but it's probably scary being in that situation since you can't know what the other person will do. So keep looking but do other stuff, too. Don't focus on the matter too much because it'll make you seem desperate and that's red flag for most people.
It's a bit hard for us to tell how not to be obsessed, unless we give up entirely.
I never said that guys shouldn't make an effort to know people, I was talking about a situation where a guy asks a girl out. Surely you wouldn't ask someone out right after meeting them, right? You'd get to know them first... or at least I would. Getting asked out by someone right after I've met him would certainly be a huge red flag for me.
Not really, I just mentioned that to tell an example of why it could be important to not seem desperate. Any man can be dangerous after all, even the charming ones. And of course, any woman can be dangerous, too.
True, no one probably knows a way to completely get rid of an obsession, but if you don't try hard things you'll never get anywhere. Saying "it's impossible for me" and then leaving things there, just waiting for things to change by themselves, will lead to nothing.
That’s how a lot of people do it. They see some cute guy or girl at coffee place and greet them and offer their phone number or ask them for it. Peoplenworking their and at restaurants will write their numbers down in receipts with call me below it.
People meet in clubs and bars and exchange numbers. It’s quite normal. That’s how people meet and arranges to get to know each other. All relationships don’t start from years long friendships or people who work together. People meet randomly on the street all the time the. Arrange to go on a date. Whole purpose of dating is to get to know each other my how people have forgotten that.
It’s not an obsession as it doesn’t interfere in living. I don’t soend all day at work or call in sick so I can sit around thinking about how I want a gf. We just desire to be loved and love like anyone else why is it an obsession for single men? Kinda makes it seem like it’s bad for men to desire relationships and love.
15 Mar 2018, 5:16 pm
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18 Mar 2018, 12:32 pm
