Certain individual at work purposely ignoring me

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fudgecreep
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13 May 2018, 8:58 pm

Hi, first time post. I work in a warehouse and mostly enjoy the work I like manual work rather than mental work I used to work at a consultancy but found it rather boring and the people one dimensional, where I work now the people are much more varied and 'colourful' I work the night shift decided there would be fewer people and so not trigger my social anxiety hang ups so much which on the whole has worked out ok I get along with the people I directly work with and have two decent 'friends' the problem I have is with one indiidual. I took the decision to tell one or two people about my Asperger's then I had an incident at work where we weren't doing anything and I just got so engrossed
in something on my phone that I just blocked out everything going on around me everyone had gone to lunch and I found myself alone in the warehouse she wasin charge and I had to tell her because she seemed concerned about me. I had until this point got along with her she seemed nice always said hello, smiled at me so didn't think there would be a problem but since that day she hasn't spoken a word to me, if I'm walking toward her she looks down or away from me, if she happens to be helping in my work area she will always have her back to me, won't communicate with me even if it's to do with work, one time I was helping out in her work area she came over to help realised it was only me in this particular area, stopped turned around and walked off to another area where she just did nothing while I had stacks of her work to do. I also told my manger about my condition as we get along and he seems fine with it but he wants me to start doing a different job which will mean interacting with this woman, he gets along really well with this woman, they are friends so how can I tell him I can't do this job because I don't want to make this woman feel uncomfortable around me and I don't want to feel uncomfortable as this usually means I'll just shut down because of the situation and might trigger some reaction from me I don't particularly want to happen at work I've done well to keep things in check so far and don't want something to happen that might alienate more than just her. Do I come straight out with it to my boss tell him what I think is going on or find some other way around this maybe talk to this woman even though striking up a conversation with somebody is not exactly one of my strong points. I get the feeling she thinks I'm a ret*d or something so not sure what to do any advice welcome and thank you in advance



beady
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13 May 2018, 9:05 pm

I'm sorry for you, this sounds upsetting. I'm a little confused about why your being alone in the warehouse was an issue? Are you supposed to leave for lunch with everyone else or did being alone cause you to have a meltdown?



fudgecreep
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14 May 2018, 2:49 am

Don't think it was a melt down, just sometimes get caught up doing something and nothing else registers felt guilty and she seemed concerned about me so in that moment of anxiety I told her and that has led to the problem I have at the moment and not really sure how to deal with it without causing more ructions. I really thought out of everybody at work she would understand but hey surprise surprise my reading of a person was way way off.



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14 May 2018, 5:02 am

That sounds pretty reasonable - to be a bit anxious since you had gotten distracted and missed catching lunch at the right time. I think anyone could have done the same thing, I know I could have, and while it may be embarrassing it doesn't seem to me to warrant her reaction to you now.
It sounds like she is uncomfortable being around you or is avoiding you entirely. Is there some way she could have misunderstood you and thinks you are trying to ask her on a date or some other awkward situation? If she is creeped out by you for whatever reason, I would say that you should not try to talk to her but leave her in peace and let her work out for herself that you are just trying to do your job. I'd suggest you limit yourself to getting answers from her only when it is absolutely work related and necessary. She may just want to keep her distance so you should respect that.
I'm not sure if I would mention this to your boss unless there is a significant problem doing a job that she refuses help with. What would you say to your boss?



fudgecreep
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14 May 2018, 10:05 am

Firstly thanks very much for the responses it's good to talk about this with someone not directly linked to work. I'm Lee by the way. I don't think she would think that, I wouldn't even know where to begin with asking someone out on a date and I don't think I gave that impression to her and the thought hadn't entered my mind, Ijust try to be nice and in return I get blanked and ignored. She may be keeping her distance but from time to time when we are busy she'll help on my section but ignore me, she doesn't have to she could just do her own thing or help elsewhere but she helps on my bit which confuses me even more when she has ignored me and walked away from me when I was helping on her section. As for telling my boss I was going to politely refuse to do the job he wants me to do, he'll want to know why and I either tell him the truth which would be my normal route or I don't tell the truth and try and come up with some other excuse.



HistoryGal
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14 May 2018, 6:16 pm

This woman has a screw loose. Just limit your contact with her.



beady
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15 May 2018, 1:13 am

What do you think this female coworker will do if the boss asks her to work with you?



fudgecreep
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15 May 2018, 11:53 am

Again thanks for the responses very much appreciated. Not sure what she will do when I'm supposed to start doing the new role I mean at work today we got busy she could help anyone of four of us but she helped me, I said thanks and she just walked off didn't even look at me, that's not normal is it? I keep asking myself if it's some kind of power thing but I can't see it being that it's not a dominance thing as all its doing is confusing me or maybe that's the point? Maybe I'm just thinking about this too much but I hate not knowing I hate uncertainty about what may occur and I hate having to explain myself to people and reasons why I can't do things that I'm asked to, was looking forward to doing the role my boss wants it's more memory orientated more numbers a bit more logic to it but I guess I'll have to refuse.



beady
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19 May 2018, 6:55 pm

If this person is working with you then I wouldn't think she had a problem with you. I also can't imagine why she doesn't speak to you, especially if she did the past.

Did you have to refuse the position? Did your boss ask you why?

Did you ever think about asking that person why she no longer speaks to you?



fudgecreep
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22 May 2018, 10:10 pm

Off for a week so trying not to think about it but that's not working out too well! I'm not sure if I will try and talk to her, actually I have no idea what I'll do I'm not too good with just letting things turn out as they will, hate not knowing what's going on and what to expect and I do this thing where if I think someone has a problem with me I kind of shut down when I'm near them its weird and interesting at the same time in that I can see it happening, I know it's happening and can't do anything about it and thats one of the things I fear about being forced to work with her if I do agree to the change it hasn't happened yet as I'm wanting to 'engage' with her but I know it will. I guess we'll see but that really isn't a satisfactory state of affairs.



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23 May 2018, 9:12 pm

I think I can understand what you mean when you say you see it but can't do anything about it. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a speeding train with no way to get off. You sound like you have a good attitude though and don't let things just stay in an unsatisfactory state. Good luck in the coming week!