Everyone in my family knows I have autism. I don't bring up around my cousins tho cos I know they love and respect me for me but I don't like it when people bring it up because it makes me feel stupid.
Also, whenever I'm talking to kids my age (like I should be doing today, but I'm not too sure) I try my best to hide my autism from them. I say "What's up", along with "dude", "bro", and many other things, but I still think they can tell because of how I look at them, how I look to others, how I talk (I have a speech impediment plus a monotonous voice, I take forever to say another sentence after saying something, and my dialogue is kinda funny), as well as me looking down all the time and staring into space during a conversation. Those things make me very ashamed of myself.
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One thing I do enjoy however, more or less, is the reaction I get from people when I swear. It's like they've never heard an autist curse before and they don't know how to process it. I feel glad that I could make them laugh, but I feel weird because it's as if they know I have autism or something, which is how I got my realization of how other people perceive me.
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So now I ask you... Do you feel how I feel? Are you ashamed of your autism in real life?
16 Jun 2018, 4:15 pm
