I need to talk to someone who understands

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You're welcome. And I understand that I don't know your total situation.

But do keep in mind that you are financially responsible for the mortgage. That's very important. It really is.

I hope you don't think I was bashing you over the head with this. Isabella wasn't, either. She's had this sort of thing happen to her--and she wanted to share her experience.

It's just that this sort of situation happens with many people.

I don't like this blame game your husband is playing when it comes to him screwing up financially.

Sometimes marriage people say a lot of things that they don't really mean and later regret saying.

I would like to make a suggestion that might help improve your marriage. I have found that being an Aspie I communicate better in writing than verbally. I would recommend that you attend a weekend retreat with your husband, called a Marriage Encounter. During this retreat it allows you to hash out your differences. Men and women are separated during the retreat and cannot communicate verbally. Instead they have to resort to communicate by writing letters. There are lectures and guidance during the retreat to steer the two of you together. Many times these letters become love letters.

I went through this retreat around 40 years ago. And it worked for my marriage.

sorry for cutting in this discussion, but what i read exactly IS narcissistic. first thing, first alarm, is hauling blame on the other person, refusing to do any self-improvement or admit their mistakes. because that is what narcissism is all about, they consider themself perfect as they are. i am sorry if my perception is flawed (and it cannot be too accurate, given that i dont really see the situation with my own eyes, and never have talked to the other person in it). just be careful and ofc listen to other ppl's warnings here. i am totally incompetent in ur country's laws (and not too competent in laws of my own, either, ya). if u would want to divorce, doing it very careful and as foulproof as possible is essential from every PoV, including emotional one. because a narcissist would try to deal maximum damage to u when they realise u are getting off their hook. again, my understanding of situation is ofc limited, and affected by my own experience. i really wish u best to secure urself, in any way u decide to do that.

I wasn't advocating you getting money from HIM.

My main concern is that a default on a mortgage is a big credit hit, lasting 7 years.

I know a guy who have a amicable divorce. He ended up with his wife's house when it came to dividing everything up. My guess is she made more than he did.