I feel like a hypocrite
I'm not ashamed of being autistic. I don't make noise about it, but I won't deny it either if someone asks. I'm one of those people who'd like people to drop all the prejudices, incorrect facts and such. I'm one of those people who won't hesitate to try and correct them anonymously in the internet, but when I actually get a rare chance to defend autism rights IRL, with my own face and name, I back off. Like I said, I'm not ashamed, but I know what kind of trouble other people knowing about the diagnosis can bring, and I'm not ready to take that risk.
You see, there's this project by some kind of social work students (I say that because I can't find the proper English term) and they look for autistic (well, aspergers' actually, but that's my official diagnosis and people don't make much of a difference between the two these days) people for their photoexhibition about the prejudices and such faced by people on the spectrum in work life. The idea is to take a face picture of them and have their story next to the photo.
The thing is, I really want to help, for my own sake and for the sake of others like me, but I hesitate when I consider the possibilities of how negatively it could affect my life and my possibilities of reaching my goals if the wrong people were to see my photo.
The reason I feel like a hypocrite is because I know that people who don't take risks rarely gain anything and am always encouraging people to try things out, but when it comes to something like this, I'm too scared to make a move. I mean maybe I shouldn't feel so quilty; it's not like I never take any risks, but something like this feels like a too big of a risk, especially considering the fact that there isn't much to gain since one more photo and story is highly unlikely to really change that much positively, yet it could destroy the small chances I have for a future that'll satisfy me.
What should I do?
stop blaming urself, for one. then, being afraid is normal. tbh i am not sure i would participate in something like that - i dont want my long story of woe published. and telling it all would be too stressfull, i'd have to relieve all the pain. yet again. so most likely i'd refuse. i dont want to be some sort of martyr figure. also i really dont think it'd help anything for real. and yes, maybe its a strauss behaviour. maybe i could do more for society. but we all do what we can, when we can, how we can. so just trust ur intuition. and then maybe have it change what u advice to other ppl? having that experience)
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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.
The way to think about risk is in terms of a risk-benefit ratio. You might be more willing to be photographed for this project if you were given a million dollars in exchange. But this project is offering nothing in exchange for your loss of privacy. You are not being a hypocrite. You are being wise.
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A finger in every pie.
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