The body language that YOU present others with

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I have no idea what my body language conveys.
I know I probably appear defensive or aloof a lot of the time.
When I walk, I walk fast and avoid looking at people mostly...either that or my eyes dart everywhere because there is too much movement around me and too much going on.

When sitting opposite someone talking, I find I have to look away a lot, looking at their hands or the table, or a wall or someone else further away rather than directly in their face.
When standing talking to someone.. if I know them well, I am not too bad with looking at their face but tend to become restless and do silly things you dont expect of an adult, like climbing onto things, picking things up to look at all the time(if in a store), showing them things I have with me etc.
I think I come across as defensive a lot and angry.

As to others body language, I dont tend to even notice it to be honest.
I usually sense if someone is angry somehow though.

There's been quite a bit of study on how mirror neurons work. Just look up mirror neuron research on google and you'll find it. They haven't just done it for Autism, but they have included Autism as part of it. It appears right now as if we have problems with our mirror neurons.

When you say it's natural for an NT, it's really that their mirror neurons from a very young age (baby actually) pick up things from other humans in the way of non-verbal language. They begin to mimic these, which other humans encourage (think babies smiling because that's a common example - everyone smiles at the baby and it learns to smile back). It operates by the mirror neurons taking it in, executive function processing the meaning and a response being sent back out (which starts as mimicry). We apparently have two factors working in opposition to that at the moment... we don't make eye contact or even look at people except in parts at times which means we don't take that in as they talk. We also appear to have cracks in our mirror neurons which can do many things from disrupting what we take in to what we send back out. It can also be an executive function issue in that we don't interpret it correctly even when we get it.

Considering that at least 80% of NT communication is non-verbal, we miss most of what is being communicated. That also explains why we put off NTs. They are looking for that other 80% of communication from us and it is not there. It makes it very hard for them to understand us, in fact it's just as hard for them as it is for us to understand them. It lends itself to many misunderstandings, especially when we give off non-verbal communication we do not intend. That can cause many problems on both sides. The more time you spend with that person, the more obvious it will become. This is why so many AS/NT relationships are strained the way they are. They are both talking at cross purposes.

If you get a book on body language, get the most basic kind so that the directions are simple and clear. You need picture examples. Acting is a great way to pick this up for Aspies because we are handed a script and we see it in action. It becomes a pattern we can follow. It also takes the stress out of trying to learn this while in a social situation where it matters.

As for me, I'd love to see what's going on with my mirror neurons. They must be cracked completely. I can look right at a person and see nothing but the most dramatic and obvious of body language. I can't read eyes at all. It's like I'm looking at an impassive person to be frank. If I'm around the person for a long time, I will pick up on the expansive body language, but that's it. I'm pretty bad with it and I've noticed on here that everyone gets it at a different level, so you should go with how much you get from it and work on it from there.

They are looking at developing some glasses with sensors that will tell you what the body language and eyes mean. That's what I would like. I don't know that I'd want to be around people any more than I already am, but I would be able to read them better when I have to be around them.

yes, get a book on body language.
Study how certain groupings of position and body-movement are interpreted by most people.
Then do the opposite approximately 29% of the time.
This way you become completely unreadable.

Thanks for the info Zanne.I guess I had heard about the mirror nurons but hadn't really grasped their full impact.One reason I questioned being aspie was that I actually won awards in Jr High and High School for "inturpritive reading" and know that I can have "expression" in my face and voice(also a very subtle english accent,I have been told), but it doesn't seem to carry over much in social situations(where I am just acting like myself).I wouldnt mind if it didnt interfere so much with my work interactions.That gets to be frustrating because it feels that no matter how hard I work I am still being judged for being a "weird person".

I did fine in reading competitions and acting in high school, but I still can't apply it to social situations. I can "act" it but it will look like acting. Everyone knows I'm weird. I expect that they are going to notice it because everyone does. They all judge each other as well. I think it's just an NT thing.

Krex, are you British? Village of the Damned doesn't really tell me where you are geographically but I grew up in KANSAS and had a light British accent ( or English, if you like, but people from England would say to me "Oh! are you British??" and I was sorta taken aback because I learned to talk in Kansas and we have few to none with English accents there. and this was before Monty Python)

I guess I am asking if you come by your 'subtle english accent' by where you grew up or if it was just part of your Aspieness. . .?

Merle

My mother-in-law talks like the people in old black and white movies. I don't think anyone actually has that accent anywhere in this country. And she's from a coal-mining town, so I know for sure they don't talk like that where she comes from. I'm sure she is an aspie, but I'm not sure if she's realized it yet. WHen she found out about my son's diagnosis (her step-grandson), she bought a bunch of books on AS. She also tells me she had an Irish accent as a child. lol

I just pick up the exact accent of whoever I'm talking to at the moment. It's embarrassing sometimes. I don't realize I'm doing it half the time. Once I was in an office talking with a woman from Mexico. I had a question she couldn't answer and someone else came in, so she gave me the phone to call someone at another office to ask them the question. THe person on the other end thought I was her and when I said no, she said I sounded exactly like her.

I do this too.
My dad does it also.
I can tell who he's speaking to on the phone because he starts to sound like them.

um..it is REALLY hard for me not to start talking kinda like a Canadian when we have Canadians in the house. Maybe I watched too much Degrasse Jr. High on PBS growing up or something.
Also, when I worked at an ice cream parlour I'd frequently get asked if I was from Canada, 'cause I am always saying "aye" anyhow.
I have issues with picking up other dialects too...as in having to force myself not to sound like them.
I used to work with this very pleasant Scottish lady who frequently had lunch in the break room at the same time as me. i practically had to talk like a robot so I wouldn't sound like her..

I think that my body language sometimes contradicts or has nothing to do with what I'm thinking or feeling. There have been many occasions where people have thought that I was upset but I wasen't. Also, people tend to assume that I am daydreaming or not listening because of my lack of eye contact when in actuality I cou
d be intently focused on what they are saying. People also accuse me of lying at times when I am being completely honest.

The body language thing, and how easy it is to be misread. It came as a surprise one time when I was told a certain person couldn't understand me. That in itself is not so unusual. Where it got strange was when the person doing the telling stated that she couldn't read me either, and then went on to say, "And I'm a cop!"

It's unfortunate, but I suspect that when someone can't figure you, there is a certain amount of fear, or at least distrust, that results. This often goes on to manifest as open hostility.

From what I've read here so far, there is no intention to "hide something" or to hurt someone. But this sudden lashing out from the other person is very hard to deal with. One is surprised, dismayed, stunned. Of course you don't know what to say, and this doesn't help either.

I have asked people, "Why do you take what happened here (What I said, did, didn't say or didn't do, etc.) that way, when obviously there was no mal-intent?

I'd never really paid much attention to my body language (or lack thereof), but it might help explain why people are always asking "are you all right?" Apparently when I'm deep in thought, I come off as disconcerted. Since my job requires a lot of focused, analytical thinking, it's not at all unusual for me to spend much of the day in my head, during which time my body doesn't really register in my awareness. I suspect it must be a slack or 'deadened' look to so regularly elicit my coworker's concern.

I know that I use my hands a lot in conversation, but in retrospect, I use them to convey spatial relationships and help convey complex information. I don't use them to convey any emotional information and certainly don't clap people on the shoulder or the back. I also can't ever recall being the one to initiate a handshake and have to pay special attention in a greeting situation to make sure I notice to return them.

I do seem to be capable of conveying humor, which I'm sure involves some coordination of the voice, eyes, and posture, though it definitely comes off as more of a dry wit. I certainly won't be doing any stand-up routines any time soon. I've also learned how to project a sense of authority, when I need to, which includes a (mostly conscious) adjustment of posture, but has more to do with somehow projecting my focus into my voice. This can come off as uncomfortably intense, but has proven useful in certain professional situations.