Forcing Myself to Remain Alive

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This title seems appropriate in whichever context, because that is the consistent theme throughout all of every day of my life, as this life is without a doubt insufficient of experiencing but suicide is also insufficient so stagnation results from not voluntarily selecting insufficiency.

In THIS post, I thought I would do a little skit called "look at the f*****g piece of garbage whine about loneliness"

Has anyone else lost all desire to connect with the people that exist in their life?
I have such a hard time believing that this is really a world and not just a bad dream, because of how completely irrelevant my experience seems to what everyone else is doing. The narrative does not add up. What is causing the breakdown of reality? Is it really the case that we are only imagining our lives as they come to an end?
Gonna break some rocks and find a healing crystal?!!LKJFLJIADFKJDflajwrgklawkraefjd

Okay but seriously, there is nothing that I can say or do that will move my life in a direction towards improvement, and talking to people becomes a less effective way each day to cope with waiting for death, so I'm not writing this for a reason besides trying to fill the space between giving myself cancer by suppressing extremely violent behavior and miscommunicating with other unintentionally self-annihilating blobs of biomass.

YEAH!? GET IT!?

This is why I was glad, when I was in my 20s, that I could just go to a Little League game, eat a couple of hot dogs, and just shoot the breeze with myself.....

There was no Internet then to make me even more depressed....

I have nothing nice to say to that so...

I know what you mean. Ohio is a pretty flat place. No mountains. Only lakes and rivers for swimming. Only beaches are on the Great Lakes.

It's not like I actually have "sworn off" people---but I really don't rely on them too much.

Many parts of Ohio, even though flat, have nice trees, parks, and such. I rely on the beauty of nature.

I don't have any issue with the geography or ecology of where I live (other than its domination by domestic humans)

I just do not want any life that this idiot-designed culture offers, so I am stuck stagnating in my parent's guest room until I kill myself or get shot by a cop that tried to pull me over who I f****d with for an hour until they finally caught me or something else.

I used to think everyone was stupid and a piece of garbage. As I got older I realised that there are infact decent people on this planet. Not everyone sucks.

Yeah, there are. But the way modern humans live is still fundamentally self-destructive and idiotic and I want no part in it. I would love if it there was a way to survive that I was willing to do so that I could pursue connections with other people, but obviously since suicide is the only realistic outcome of my existence it would be highly inappropriate to pursue connection.

Why would you want to go away?

There are many people who think similarly to you. You just have to find them.

There was a guy here some months back who was really into psychedelic mushrooms (which are legal in Denver, if not all of Colorado, at the present time).

Because surviving by relying on trade with bank coupons inside a global economy based on extracting value from ecosystems is really bad and not worth anything it can lead to in my opinion.

I cannot connect with anyone no matter how they think, but that is of course another topic which could probably never be discussed because it has no solidity anyway. People cannot be known and obviously trust is irrational, yet connection is pretty much based on pretending that both of those things happen, at least in my experience. Maybe I have just never met the right people, but I don't see how I will meet any more people living in my parent's guest room or searching for edible mushrooms in the wilderness (I don't mean psychedelic mushrooms, since I don't actually eat those myself because I am not trying to set my roots where I am), and everywhere I have gone people are mostly just overwhelming and not much more, from my perspective. not to say that is actually a measure of them, I just mean like their relevance to my life, maybe that is a more accurate way to say it?

This puts your other thread into a slightly different light.

It is increasingly possible to live a sustainable life and I think you could have a lot to offer. The world needs people who care about sustainability and can make it easier for other people to live sustainably. If the people who care stop caring, then things will never get better.

Have you tried growing your own food? What about trying to meet up with people who do - for example, at gardening shows or the local allotment?

Most don’t have any reverence for life,they will run over a snake on the road just because it’s there.
They don’t seem to appreciate beauty either.
I spend the majority of my time alone in my garden with my dogs.It make all the difference in the world.
If you enjoy nature maybe learn more about wild harvesting plants for eating and medicine.Looking for wild mushrooms is an enjoyable pastime, we have morels,oysters,coral and others.
Walrus is right,we need people who care.

I have been growing as many different plants and fungi as I have had the reasonable opportunity to (and sometimes even without the reasonable opportunity - i.e. guerrilla planting) and creating habitat for wildlife for the years since I graduated from school and increasingly as I studied more outside of school into ecology, river restoration, and permaculture. I mostly just fit as much as I can into my parent's small suburban backyard. I have attended quite a few different events related to wild foods, earth skills/ancestral skills, permaculture, natural building, and other things related to the workings of biological systems, but meeting people has only one time in my life lead to connection. At this point I just know there is no context for me to truly connect with anyone in. all of that basically to address the issues of coping emotionally with life.

but yeah there is nothing I can force myself to do to try to make money again since I do not value money and I do not want to buy anything with money, so, no creation of any life for myself, and I will just remain in this guest room until death.

One of Charles Darwin's first obsessions was barnacles. He actually wrote quite a few papers on them.

And look where this sort of "obsession" got him. World renown!