Things change, that I can promise. Just because things are looking black now doesn't mean they will always be that way. Maybe I can just see that better than you because I am so much older, I think sometimes you have to have been around a while to be able to put stuff into perspective. There have been plenty of times when I have thought everything looked so black there would never be a way forward, but have somehow eventually found myself in a happier place again. That's why suicide is such a waste, like they say, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I fully sympathise with the thought that you're on the wrong planet, I have never felt at home here ever since I was a teenager. Sometimes I think it's a bit like those occasions when two new mothers get the wrong babies...somewhere, on some planet very like this one but with significant differences, there is someone who should be where I am and is feeling just as much like a fish out of water as I am. I guess that will never change but there are compensations. I am thankful that my passionate interests/obsessions give me the ability to take disproportionate pleasure in small things that others wouldn't be able to understand. An upside of the condition perhaps.