I feel guilty, as in unsociable, because one of our neighbours had a party in their large backyard, with live music and a cocktail bar and everything. It was pretty cool. I went in with my dad, and sat for about 45 minutes with some other neighbours we knew. Although the music was good, it was too loud, so I couldn't hear what the other people were saying, except for my dad because he was sitting closest to me. I didn't feel overwhelmed, but because I have ADHD I find it hard to sit still, and I worried people might think I'm nervous or weird. Plus I felt isolated because of my poor hearing over the loud music. So after about 45 minutes I said I had to go because my mum was cooking dinner (although she wasn't really).
It's been 4 hours and my dad is still there, and so is my brother. I always feel embarrassed about leaving social events so soon. I don't want people thinking I'm too shy or unsociable. I do like being with people, but I just couldn't hear them talking over the music. The music has stopped now but I think there are still a few people there and my dad and brother obviously are, but I feel a bit awkward going back now.
But now I feel guilty for myself for not sticking around. It makes it harder when you don't drink alcohol either. Now that it's quieter it might be more fun, but it's late and I think my dad and brother will probably be coming home soon. Part of me has an urge to mingle, but part of me shies away from social events. It's like a dilemma, or a paradox.
Should I feel depressed because of this?
_________________
Female