Can't settle after difficult couple of weeks.

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I went on a cycling holiday with a friend who didn't bring enough money or come well prepared. Before going they spent a lot of time talking through the logistics of the trip and kit. Over the course of the holiday, ( 10 days) I spent about £550, whereas, my friend only spent around £200. I had a really bad time while away and found my friend difficult to be around. I felt as if he was trying to take charge of the situation when it wasn't necessary to do so and I found him a bit snappy and dismissive. I felt as if a lot of the trip was spent in emergency mode rather than adventure mode, finding food, water, shelter, navigating, all became rather stressy and my friend tried to adopt an authoritarian tone about the silliest little things like gathering firewood, where to make the fire etc, where to camp. It became a real drag being on holiday with him. He's still buzzing from the trip but I feel burnt out. I've tried to show an grown adult how to share and share decisions, how to do things in a convivial way but it was hard going.

On the last day of the holiday, I gave him 20 euros to spend and took some time out. We agreed to meet for the ferry at 9 pm. I waited at the ferry port till 10:15 and finally checked in. At customs control, the border guards told me that my friend had checked himself in "a long time ago"

Since getting back I've been sleeping for 12 hours a day and my brain feels very patchy. I'm spending time with my father, sisters and their kids but it's hard to help out as much as usual. I just feel like spending time on the computer or being alone. I'm jittery and can't work out where my current stress is coming from. I need to learn how to ask people to leave my space in a friendly way. I also need help finding ways of asking people not to overload me with the details of their plans or problems. I have trouble in these areas and trouble knowing when to help people and when to hold back from helping.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think you did a fantastic job dealing with your friend. I probably would have knocked him upside the head with a stick of firewood (which is why I've been referred for DBT therapy). The other sounds like plain overstimulation and partial shutdown. I did the exact same things when I was working three 12 hour shifts. I would sleep for days afterward and could have slept more, did I not have to return to work.

Hey, I hope the therapy works well for you. Thanks

Your friend sounds like a complete flake. I hate flakes!
I wouldn't have anything more to with him... but definitely don't plan any more holidays.
I agree about the overstimulation/shutdown.

Hi Dom,
I'm so sorry you endured this when it was meant to be a relaxing holiday. I had the same experience with a friend once, and it was so overwhelming I never want to travel with companions again. It makes sense that you need to shut down in an effort to preserve your autonomy, and to reset your nervous system. Turn out the lights, turn off your brain, and decompress for as long as it takes. Everyone's problems can wait. I've had to learn that lesson myself.

Hugs and support,
Is

The friendship has taken a big dent. I have a history of making myself indispensable to people then bailing out, I want to find a middle way and not repeat that. I'll have to work on asking for space in a friendly, assertive way. I'm certainly been doing too much for that person at the moment. I don't find it easy to ask people to leave and I worry that I'll come across as prickly. I see other people managing to kick people out in a relaxed and friendly way. Sometimes it's helpful to learn a few phrases but I don't know what would work.

Me too, I need it! You're very welcome...

Hi Is, I'm coming out the other side hopefully. Thanks for your support.

It must have been tough going. I would have been on edge, too. I hate “take charge” sorts of people.

Were there any good times, too?

I've had a serious case of black and white thinking and buried all the good memories. Things are getting back to normal thankfully. Thank you Kraftie

I thought you might enjoy the serenity of this scene. The world is a beautiful place, so don't let the turkeys get you down. Take time to recharge and don't worry about anything else!

^ thanks, that's nice. I feel like a bear coming out of hibernation. Perfect

If it helps, don't beat yourself up for the way you're feeling , this appears normal behaviour for some us.

Cheers mate, I'm doing OK after spending the week under a duvet.