So that's it

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Yes, this has been my issue. It's so hard to find people who relate.

I like to take it slow and get comfortable with someone.

Apparently the last chap didn't even realise I liked him like that. I'd been into him for months! Maybe most others would have made it clear straight away, but I like to feel comfortable first. I don't think anyone ever does realise, I'm just too slow. I don't often get to even discuss it though. Normally they just move on to someone else before I've even worked out how I feel, or before I get comfortable enough to reveal anything. I don't know, it's hard to explain.

Which may sound very boring to someone seeking exciting passion... But that can come later on and be a deeper thing than that immediate endorphin rush you get at first.

Never found anyone patient enough.

It is something that I find difficulty with. I hang back. I wait for the lady to make the first moves etc. However, I once dated a lady who grabbed my leg while I drove her and her son to a beach for an outing. It scared me as it was unexpected. Apart from that afternoon, I found I could not go further with her. She has a son and I looked at her son, and somehow I found my thoughts were feeling that her son needs his dad and not me... But I do admit that too quick is frightening.
On the one hand, I need a lady to lead... As in I need to know what is expected etc.... On the other hand, too get a little intimate too quickly makes me feel like running somewhere to hide! Oh.. I did this once. A dissabled lady who I was looking after during a Princes Trust course fancied me and she wanted me to dance with her on an eveningat the centre we were in. I was being friendly so I agreed (Even though dancing isn't my thing). She put her arms around me and gave me such a squeeze... I wiggled free and made an excuse I had a bad stomache and I spent the next four or five hours sitting on the loo so I had somewhere to hide that I could lock the door! I was petrified! Fortunately that was the last day as we left the next day. One issue that scared me though was that she was much older then I was.
But the right lady for me is probably the one who will hold onto me and not let me go until I start to feel happy and used to her. Hold onto me incase I get scared and run for it! And at the same time one who will not be too full on straight away.
Most of the time when I have been dating for the first time I am petrified. I put on a brave face. Yet... Ummm. Well. You can see why a lady needs to hold my hand and take the lead... (Sorry. I feel as if I am like a child. I am not at all. I can certainly be independent if I wanted to be. (If one ignores my recent burnout difficulties... If that's what is happening). I have been told by others that I would make someone a dream husband. A secondary school teacher said this once).
So, if anything, a slightly forward lady but also not too full on would probably be best for me.

I understand wanting to be friends first. Uhmm. I think for me this would be scarey too. Why? Well... I tend to be off or on. So if someone is friendly but shows no interest in dating, and later shows an interest, she has already rejected me before so I will not go out with her, because I would fear that... Well. It looks like she could change her mind again while I will have shared with her my love and heart etc... I wouldn't want to risk it.
BUT, if we were friends and I had not thought about it, and she had then asked me out, then I may say yes.

Sorry. I am a bit confused and confusing as I am not that good at expressing myself and my thoughts and feelings on dating as I find dating frightening at first. Once I then settle down and get to know the person I am fine. No problem. But the first date or two? Oh gosh! The lady has to make the effort. I am too scared of rejection if I asked, and secondly, I find the first date... I am petrified I could mess it up!

I can't touch someone at all unless I know them well enough to be comfortable with them.

I don't know if it's an aspie thing, or if it's because I was bullied as a child and I am careful about people being in my space. Bullies invaded my space.

I have to trust someone for them to be allowed to share my space.

Girls are supposed to be affectionate and I don't fit the stereotype. That may be confusing.

What you are saying that your choice of men is restricted. The men may not feel that they are appreciated as they may need the occasional hug or kiss?

I would be ok with that... in time... just not very soon after meeting them.

Seems reasonable to me.

What does the message mean about the fish?

It's from the hitchhiker guide to the galaxy. The dolphins leave earth and say, "so long and thanks for all the fish".

After today, I'm taking a 2 month break from WP so that I can focus on more positive things. I write too much on here that is dwelling on what happened. I'm heart broken. I want to move forward, not keep dwelling on what can't be understood or fixed.

He said no, I need to move on.

Ok. Be good.
I hope you didn't mind me saying those things.

It helps that someone understands.

Thank you

Just come back refreshed and fizzing with joy and love etc...

Not sure why I said that and it is not an order. Just enjoy whatever you spend your time on.

this yank tends to talk too loud, problems regulating volume.

if only this world wasn't so daggone big.

I have the same problem, except I can touch people (handshakes etc.), but it's extremely uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure that, at least in my case, it's a sensory issue. I mean I have trouble with lots of different fabrics (not as many as I used to though) as well as other things and textures of food, so it'd make sense.

Im getting to the point where I think relationships just complicate things. There is so much s**t to deal with in life. And so much to do! And what if true love is very rare and hard to come by? Like a precious stone.

They do, and that's a fact. Sometimes they're worth the extra trouble, sometimes not.

Sage advice!