Sharing a bedroom with your partner...?

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I share the bedroom and it's definitely a challenge.

After many years of fights between the two of us over things that neither of us could really understand (like putting folded laundry on my sleeping spot) I have only recently gone so far as to get a diagnosis as to why my brain is so rigid on certain things. The two of us have a lot to sort out and I'm not sure where the bedroom will fall in our quest to find harmony with each other.

This was a difficult situation, for many years. I hate sharing a bed. In reality, I hate being touched. But, I have coping mechanisms. Sleep is another matter, entirely. Sleep is very important to me and I can't stand to get hot or be touched when I'm trying to sleep. We work with what we have and I have my own sleep space.

Yes, the husband and I happily share a bedroom.

I do have a head-banging stim where I repeatedly bounce my head off the pillow (it looks violent, but relaxes me; it's also the one blatantly obvious 'autistic' trait that even my dad recognized in me when I was younger, as I've been doing such a stim all my life, and it would occasionally wake my parents), but my husband tolerates it.

I'm not sure if this is possible, but if you have the space, it might be good for you guys to share a bedroom, but keep two separate 'rooms' to yourselves. These rooms can also have a bed, but in additional could house things of your personal interest, like an art studio, exercise equipment, or whatever else you want.

That way you guys can share a room together as your 'together' room, and sleep there maybe even most of the time, but have a room you get go to for those nights you need to sleep in your own bed.

I think at any rate, it would probably be best to at least (schedule if necessary) a night or two together per week for some intimacy (not even just sex). Personally I find I can enjoy the positive parts of situations (even if they still have parts I dislike) if I get a break from them more often.

As for dealing with your husband, I'm sure he is worried that in part it means you are not interested in him intimately as much as you used to be. I think for this to go smoothly, you need to emphasize that this isn't about that at all, and spend some time explaining what the real reasons are. For example (not to put words in your mouth), if you get physically sensitive you can tell him that too much physical stimuli at the same time can make it hard for you to sleep. Explain that you almost need a slight sensory deprivation in order to relax, which you can really only get in bed by yourself. Whatever your reasons actually are, I think he will have a much better time with it if he can attribute it to something not personal and knows that you still care about him, love him, find him attractive, etc. You can also talk about the ways you do find intimacy with him in a way you really enjoy in the same conversation to make it positive as well.

We have been married for 45 years and my wife and I share the same bed.

Actually it is the exact same bed. It is a California King Size Waterbed. We purchased this bed shortly after we married. The mattress has dampeners built into it to prevent the water from sloshing around when we get in and out of the bed during the night. It is heated. Generally when I get into bed I am out like a light in a few minutes and into deep sleep.

I wish there was a cooling element in beds, rather than a heating element. I have trouble sleeping when I feel hot.

Cool!