My peers wouldn't talk to me!
Also, when you say the OP was judging them, she was only stating her opinion about them to the readers in this thread. It's not like she was letting them know what she thought of them. In fact she was being rather open-minded by trying to make friends with these people. I think it was rather brave of her actually. It was good that she was trying to be social at a party. What else does one do at a party?
They didn't do this because she's autistic (at least, the OP does not indicate they knew this and/or ignored her for this reason) they did this because they can. Because they are not obligated to do otherwise. Just because you want to be someone's friend doesn't mean they want to be yours. I can't understand why ppl don't get this.
Yes she probably is confused so I was giving her an idea of what could have been the problem. Even if people greet you doesn't mean they have to talk to you especially if you make them uncomfortable in some way. Telling her how they could have perceived her also can help her understand why they didn't want to include her in the conversation.
With shoe on the other foot, I can't say for sure what those people were like BUT, I can give her insight into things about her. Also "My parents shouldn't be friends with people who can't raise their kids right!" and "they were acting super immature!" Both of those is judging someone, she gave a verdict to someone's character without any evidence. Actually if an NT did come to me to tell about this autistic person that they didn't to want be friends with bothered them I could understand why based on insight about myself and how my actions can affect others. I would plead for them to give that person another chance but, I wouldn't put them on any obligation to do so.
Also many on the spectrum tend to have issues with making friends while NTs do not. Majority of NTs can make friends and socialize yet us on the spectrum struggle. Each person with autism is different so we can't expect the world to change to fit each individual on the spectrum, the world doesn't work that way and you can't build a society like that either.
Yes socializing and talking is expected at parties but, you don't have to if you don't want to. She also could have went about doing it in the wrong way as well.
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Autism is a disorder not a personality trait!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference."
Well I've been told I'm rude here by ignoring PMs in the past. Maybe I didn't want to come here to make friends, only to discuss stuff in threads and make internet acquaintances. I did have one member here one time (I think he left ages ago) who kept on sending me PMs, and I didn't reply. He got upset and brought it up in my threads, and other members backed him up, calling me rude because I should not ignore someone who's gone through the trouble to try and be my friend. But I didn't want to send him a message back telling him not to do PMs, because I thought he'd soon get the message (no pun intended) that I wasn't interested. But I felt like I was being obliged to reply.
But if it were an NT who was ignoring him, nobody would argue against the NT.
NT gets ignored by Aspie -------> the Aspie is being rude and shouldn't ignore the NT because the poor NT's feelings might get hurt
Aspie gets ignored by NT -------> the Aspie is being rude for trying to be friends and it doesn't matter if the Aspie's feelings are hurt or not
So whichever way you look at it, the Aspie will always be in the wrong because the NT always gets the upper hand.
OP - write another thread that explains the same situation but with the neurologies swapped, and see how the replies will be different.
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Female
But if it were an NT who was ignoring him, nobody would argue against the NT.
NT gets ignored by Aspie -------> the Aspie is being rude and shouldn't ignore the NT because the poor NT's feelings might get hurt
Aspie gets ignored by NT -------> the Aspie is being rude for trying to be friends and it doesn't matter if the Aspie's feelings are hurt or not
So whichever way you look at it, the Aspie will always be in the wrong because the NT always gets the upper hand.
OP - write another thread that explains the same situation but with the neurologies swapped, and see how the replies will be different.
again, unless they knew she was autistic and ignored her because of that the rejection that she's feeling is not based on her being ND. This reaction on the part of the other ppl has nothing to do with NT or ND. There is no "NT always getting the upper hand" here, as if there is some vast conspiracy on the part of NT's.
Thank you for being so kind and understanding everyone! I'm still traumatized over what happened last night. A lot of NT's don't have good social skills either. :'(
What I decided to do was go home(the party was right in my neighborhood) and hang out with my siblings instead because my siblings care about me. I watched movies with my siblings last night and had a lot of fun! At least i'll always have friends in my siblings! ![]()
What I decided to do was go home(the party was right in my neighborhood) and hang out with my siblings instead because my siblings care about me. I watched movies with my siblings last night and had a lot of fun! At least i'll always have friends in my siblings!
I usually find that I can talk ok to elderly people as they are old enough and sensible enough to see through the heartaches about not having friends. They are also wanting to talk to someone and have lots of interesting things to say. But as I get older myself, the age gap of elderly people is lessening, and it is occuring to me that when I get elderly... It is frightening actually... That I won't have any elderly people to talk to as I find that few people of my onw age I talk to... So if I am elderly there will only be people my age which I may not be able to talk to. It is a scarey thought as I find very few younger people can talk to me on the level that I can chat back to them about things. If I can find someone like me but a young person (Someone who was like me when I was young) I will be fine.
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Verifying you are human. This may take a few seconds...
It duplicated my thread, so I will write this. I do find very few people that are roughly ma age that I can talk to, and the ones I can may actually be on the spectrum...(Or just different). I never thought about it before until recently... ![]()
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Verifying you are human. This may take a few seconds...
But if it were an NT who was ignoring him, nobody would argue against the NT.
NT gets ignored by Aspie -------> the Aspie is being rude and shouldn't ignore the NT because the poor NT's feelings might get hurt
Aspie gets ignored by NT -------> the Aspie is being rude for trying to be friends and it doesn't matter if the Aspie's feelings are hurt or not
So whichever way you look at it, the Aspie will always be in the wrong because the NT always gets the upper hand.
OP - write another thread that explains the same situation but with the neurologies swapped, and see how the replies will be different.
I'm sorry you feel this way. No one should feel obligated to be someone's friend if they don't want to. Did you explicitly tell him that the friendship wouldn't work?
People say "no response is a response" but, with text and messaging there is no sounds or body language so all you can go on is text. There are many reasons why someone might not message you back and it's hard to tell why especially if there is no context before(fighting, debates, etc).
What I say isn't about autism but people in general. A lot of people(NT or Autistic) end up in this situation so it's something to think about while messaging others.
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Autism is a disorder not a personality trait!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference."
What I decided to do was go home(the party was right in my neighborhood) and hang out with my siblings instead because my siblings care about me. I watched movies with my siblings last night and had a lot of fun! At least i'll always have friends in my siblings!
I'm sad that you were traumatized over this. What I said earlier in the thread wasn't putting blame on you but, to give you an idea of how you could possibly be coming off to others. Even if you don't say those things out loud, your body language could also be giving that vibe off. I'm glad you were able to find happiness in your siblings and try not to give up on making friends! Like I said I can't say what their attitude or behavior was like but I can give you advice about how one might perceive you. I'm not saying that you seem that way all the time just in the original post.
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Autism is a disorder not a personality trait!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference."
But if it were an NT who was ignoring him, nobody would argue against the NT.
NT gets ignored by Aspie -------> the Aspie is being rude and shouldn't ignore the NT because the poor NT's feelings might get hurt
Aspie gets ignored by NT -------> the Aspie is being rude for trying to be friends and it doesn't matter if the Aspie's feelings are hurt or not
So whichever way you look at it, the Aspie will always be in the wrong because the NT always gets the upper hand.
OP - write another thread that explains the same situation but with the neurologies swapped, and see how the replies will be different.
In this thread some people agreed with the OP about the other girls being rude and some people pointed out the other side of the story (while not necessarily disagreeing about them being rude). Are the people who called you rude for ignoring PMs the same individuals who justify the NT girls' reactions? Because if not, you have no evidence that they have any double standards. If not it simply means that there are people who think that nobody is obliged to be friends with others or include them in a conversation and people who think that there is an obligation to respond to people who try to talk to you and include them in your conversation. Neither this thread nor the fact that there were some people who thought you were rude because you ignored PMs indicates that this has anything to do with neurotype - unless perhaps if one and the same person took opposite stances in those two situations. In both cases there were some people who thought it was rude and some who didn't.
