A disgusting chapter of my past

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when I was 12 or 13 maybe even both (I don't exactly remember). I use to have a porn addiction or at least behavior that resembles it. It was really bad like I faked being sick by making myself throw up with the finger down your throat trick to leave and go home to watch porn so many times that the school sent me to a clinic to get my blood tested to see if there was anything wrong with me. I remember walking into the nurse's office and one of the football coaches saying "you are not sick" he straight up knew I was faking. To make it worse the computer I used to watch porn on was a shared computer with my family. I even masturbated in the chair once or twice.

I sometimes also would sneak off in the middle of the night to watch porn and I would watch porn in the daytime whenever I had the opportunity. My parents suspected I was looking at porn but they weren't strict enough to do anything. (they always been lazy in the punishment department) my sisters knew I was looking at porn though especially my little sister since she saw my search history and bookmarks. When I look back on this, I feel ashamed of myself and I can't believe I did all of that.

Even typing it had me in disbelief, I also can't believe how when I was 12 or 13 it didn't hit me what I was doing was wrong and nasty. Like I was making myself throw up on purpose and I never realize how awful that was. I guess I should believe it because when I was in school, my mind was so scrambled. I remember after I finished high school, a friend of mine from a lower grade told me that the kids in my grade use to say stuff like "Eric is not all there" and they were right but that is an issue for another thread. Also, I was a preteen going through puberty so there is that.

I don't think you need to feel guilty about your 12 year old self. It's not such a big deal.

No need to feel bad. Many young teens do this. Your parents probably researched it and let you grow out of this phase naturally.

I agree. You are now a grown person.

At least you are not doing all this now. You’ve gone beyond that phase.

Hormones running amuck.

Thanks, everyone for the kind words

I had a neighbour who done worse things when he was 13 and 14. He used to get these panic attacks before going to school sometimes, and I'm not sure if they were real or if he was faking it to get the day off school. Anyway, his parents went to work (one of them only worked a few hours in the morning so he wasn't left alone for long), but while they were gone he would come and spy on us in the bushes to see when we were all out at work and school. Then he would break into our house and steal my mum's underwear and shoes. It was obviously some sort of fetish, because he wouldn't steal anything else, not even money. It took a while for us to track down who was doing this, but to cut a long story short, the police caught him and found all the underwear and shoes he had stolen stashed underneath his bed.
His parents were devastated because they didn't know he was doing any of this. The police tested him for drugs but he wasn't on drugs at all. So he had to go through a lot of therapy after that. I still don't know what made him do all of that. He wasn't on the spectrum or anything. He said he had impulsive urges.