Never really understood my father or his mother who spent a lot of "poor quality" time with me when I was young.
If I was being reprimanded by either one of them, they would use phrases that made no sense to the situation and the arguments would just go in circles with resentment as if they were my dominant yet competitive peers and NOT my responsible, nurturing elders. The rest of my grandmother's children where f'd up too. As I got older, I realized that they just simply spit out things that were said to them at one time or another but these things didn't match what was even going on. The more intense the argument got, the worse this habit got - to the point that you would want to scream,"What are you even talking about?! !"
They almost NEVER would listen to your side of the story almost to the point that I wanted to punch them both in the head. I really doubt it would have even made a difference unless the punch actually killed them. This never even got talked about with my siblings and all of them went through this. Even today, they just won't talk about it but thankfully none of them exhibit those behaviors. I'm assuming that the behavior of my father and his mother might be "theory of mind" where they simply can't see your point of view. It's not like they were doing it for spite. It was as if they honestly couldn't, even though this behavior infuriated me to the point of actually wanting to bust their heads. Even though I never said a word to them, it bothers me that I had the potential of harming them for something that God just didn't give them - yaaaa - creeps me out. Eventually, as I got older, I gave up even talking about anything in depth at all. They enjoyed talking about themselves mostly so that's the kind of conversations I had with them until I moved far away. They mattered and I didn't. Any opinions on this?? If you tried to grow up in a house like this, no matter how old you are and how long ago it was, THIS IS THE REASON FOR THE PROBLEMS YOU MAY HAVE. People like this should NEVER have kids or even be allowed near a kid. It's not because they are necessarily bad people. It's because they can't communicate properly which is necessary for growth. If you feel like you have no sense of self, people like these are to blame for this. Some may beg to differ but I believe this to be true plus "who am I, anyway?" "what do I know?" Do you see what I mean? I often have trouble with a certain cross-section of the human population and I recognize "it" right away. "It" is that same thing that I saw growing up. I have no alternative but to shut them out.
24 Sep 2019, 8:51 am
