It feels like I'm a ghost to other people

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I've felt this for a long time now it feels like I'm a ghost to other people like I see them and try to interact with them but I can never truly be friends with them or interact with them. As an 18-year-old in my last year of high school I feel like I've gotten a lot better at accepting myself and trying to put who I am out there instead of just sticking to the outskirts and trying to be invisible. Even now it still feels like I'm someone everyone just ignores like they just say nothing and hope that I will go away or when I try to make plans with them to do something fun its always the same excuses and indirect ways of saying no.
I never believed being alone would hurt me but after 4 years of it, I can confirm it is quite soul-crushing. I don't post on here much because I've always told myself that there's no way that I could be autistic, but it seems like the more I look into it the more signs from my childhood and recent years pop into my mind. I'm currently on SSRIs to try and help with the depression but I wish I could actually feel good without some sort of medicine, I wish that I didn't have the sh***y highschool years that lead me to have depression in the first place.
Everyone says things will get better when I get out of high school but I'm not the type to hope for the future I want to take action now not wait and hope that things will get better. To be quite honest at this point it feels like I've tried a lot to be social and date; the things that everyone else does. This always just ends in yet another failure leaving me feeling worse off than before. Will it get better? how can I make it better? The thought that there are others going through this same BS constantly, makes me feel less like an alien which is nice.

I went through the same thing in high school—40 years ago.

What do you really like as an interest?

This is the life you will lead as a social outcast. I have always been a quiet introvert with Aspergers and invisible to other people. College did not change for me either, no friends and invisible. Learning social skills is pointless because people still socially exclude you. Read books, write, watch TV, listen to music and other solitary activities that do not involve dealing with others and being socially rejected.

Another one here who feels the same. There have been phases where I've had friends but I can never figure out how to hang on to them for long. I mostly settle for having acquaintances who I occasionally bump into as opposed to friends who I actually make plans with. Being a ghost is a very good description, you can have some effect on other people but just not quite enough.

Poster I'm really sorry you feel like this and that's how most of my school experience has been as well. Either being bullied or forgotten, with people constantly making plans in front of me that I was never invited to, being the left over person when everyone had chosen pairs etc. The only way it got better for me was changing environments. Sadly I can't tell you that will make you feel any better mental health wise, five years later and I still have a diagnosed anxiety disorder and probably some other things that have yet to be found. I can't promise that college or work will be the place that you magically find friends or anything but it may be. I think my success is due to me being in a department where everyone is slightly off. If you are able to find misfits anywhere else maybe stick with them (if they're nice) all my 'friendships' were awful where I just tagged a long but they didn't care if I was there or not until I did this. I also learnt my energy is wasted in trying to be friends with/get the approval of normal people, I don't find them interesting and they are clearly creeped out by or don't care about me. People who are weird (and I don't necessarily mean neurodiverse I just mean that they don't fit the norm) tend to be more empathetic due to going through it themselves. My college has a disability awareness group where all of us have invisible disabilities, is there anything similar where you are? Would it be safe for you to look into? When it comes to interests, if you have the energy or inclination, is there anyway for you to be involved in things to do with that? Most people may continue to treat you the same but when you find at least one person who doesn't it can make you care less about the rest or just make it bearable.

I just wanted to offer something potentially positive but also hopefully realistic... None of us can know the future and it may take you a long time to be able to find people, especially if you have the limited energy or any other issue that often goes with mental illness. I really hope that even if it's not where you are now,you are able to feel better soon.

It got better for me when my world expanded and I found folks like myself. Recently I lost some of that (work restructure) and need to find it again. Thankfully I have the experience (late 40s) to know it's out there. It's daunting still to go find it, but I know it's there and will be worth it. Just as you know who excludes you, hopefully you can identify who does include you. I find these are folks at the "fringes" of social circles. Perhaps ND themselves in some way.

I was doing EMDR yesterday to get over past traumas and in one imaginative "scene" I (ironically relative to this post) chose to the be ghost so that I wouldn't be hurt, it was fun at first, but then I got angry that others would hurt me... Tough stuff. Hang in there!! !

If I went back I would be kinder to myself and my ways and look more closely for folks who were compatible rather than be burdened by all of those who were not. Hmmmm ---- that's good advice for myself right now!

I wish I could have been diagnosed with autism when I was in school so things could make more sense. But I wasn’t so I struggled quite a bit. It ruined my high school experience. So be glad you think you know you have this condition because I didn’t. Anyway I never made any friends after high school. Just had boyfriends that treated me like crap. I’m 34 and totally alone now. I wish I could tell you how to make friends but even I don’t know. But I will say at least I don’t care as much that I don’t have friends now. It used to be a pretty big deal that I didn’t have friends in high school. Things are more serious when you move out of your parents place. You will value your alone time more. At least that’s the case with me. I find that even though I don’t have friends, it’s good to get out of the house and be around people.

High school is rough and most teenagers are idiots - but not their faults, since their brains are still developing. I would NOT decide what the rest of your life or the rest of humanity is like based on your current situation.

Some practical tips -

1. Find a special interest group. Maybe a book club at the library, chess club, video game club, whatever. But people who share an interest with you, and people of various ages, are more likely to be nice. They will likely be more open to any social differences too, since there is less expectation for everyone to be the same when it's different ages, etc.

2. In school, seek out the nerds. I was a big nerd, and we were more open to "odd" behavior I think. Mu Alpha Theta was probably 25% ASD if I had to guess. My best friend is an engineer.

3. Cultivate activites you enjoy by yourself. No matter how popular someone is, it is a very important skill to be able to enjoy being alone. Figure out what you really like to do - sports, reading, art, gardening, whatever. Do that thing instead of sitting around feeling sad you aren't at a party...honestly, parties aren't that great. The ones I went to in college were basically a bunch of people being very loud, chaotic, and stupid.

4. Look for other "invisible" people. Be cautious around the girls though - make sure you don't come across as creepy by making sure to give them plenty of personal space (good tip is to start out far enough away you couldn't touch them without leaning or moving closer). They may be wishing for a friend too.

5. Consider pets. They are good companions AND an easy way to meet people and have a topic to discuss (especially if you have a dog - you see people on walks, at dog parks, etc).

I found it was easy to embrace self pity and cry in my room at night. I have no friends and everyone hates me. I did not choose to have Aspergers and do not deserve to be hated by everyone. I would quit and my problems with dealing with people that hated me would magically disappear.