I want to be a doll

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I’ve been very lonely and sad lately. I’ve lost close to 30 pounds and my appearance has improved. I’ve never felt beautiful even when I weighed my lowest and goal weight. Here’s the problem everyone I know says it doesn’t matter how you dress because beauty is an inner thing.

So I guess women with scars all over them marry and date well. I have scars on my breasts but they are fading. My breasts are still big despite breast reduction and once I get my waist to 23 inches that will make up for the scars and birthmarks.

Then I’ll get my birthmarks removed, my hair chemically straightened and I will look like a pretty doll for men to look at and women to envy.

I used to love video games, anime and didn’t obsess over looking like doll. Now that I’ve lost weight I’ve changed. This mentality is ruining my relationships, I’m losing sleep and I just want to be protected like a doll on display.

You need to see a counselor. Your thinking here is really unhealthy.

A 23 inch waist is way too small for most people.

Inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. I wouldn’t worry about scars too much.

This is a strange posts. Since I lost a lot of weight [around 120 pounds in 7 months time] through Bariatric Surgery. I will give you my impressions. But I am a male and I do not obsess about my appearance. And I definitely don't want to be a doll.

Prior to the surgery, I had to undergo Psychological Testing. This was because many who undergo dramatic weight loss experience psychological problems afterwards.

Many patients grieve over the loss of their old familiar lifestyles and experience feelings of anger, sadness and depression.

The sadness and anger can be due to:
- over loss of comfortable lifestyle
- not being able to eat foods you really enjoy
- at friends who may not stay close to you during the journey
- at family who may try to help by monitoring your food choices
- at society who only looks at the external person
- with people who start treating you differently as you begin to lose weight.

You can experience anxiety:
- when trying to do everything "right"
- learning how to plan ahead for your nutritional needs, business lunches, traveling, social engagements
- with changes in relationships
- with changes in your body image.

In general, I didn't experience any problem with the weight loss from a psychological perspective. But I did notice a few things.

First, people treat you differently. When you are obese or overweight, you are invisible. Nobody really looks at you. But after the weight loss you become visible to society again. This made me feel society was unfair. As a result I made one change. Whenever I visit a store and I pay for something at the counter, I will note if they are wearing a name-tag and if so I remember their name. Then when I leave after paying, I will thank them by name. They are also invisible people. They work all day and no one notices. When I greet them by name, all of a sudden their world stops dead in its tracks and they look up and smile. And I have given to them if only for an instant a part of their humanity back.

Second. When you are obese, nothing really looks good on you. As you gain weight you will eventually reach a point where the main department stores will not even carry your size. So when I lost weight, I had to replace my entire wardrobe and buy new clothes. This was a lot of fun. I could buy them again at normal stores and they actually looked good on me. It actually felt good to wear the latest fashions, the best brands. I am an excellent bargain shopper and I used those skills to replace my wardrobe. I wore clothes that a teenager or young adult might wear. Because I am an Aspie, this brought me joy. My wife thought I was crazy, because I am 71 buying teenage clothing. But I am happy and to some degree that is what really counts.

Please don't be a doll.....most men don't like "doll types."

And the ones that do----are usually not really nice sorts.

You have a personality. Make use of it.

A 23-inch waist is unrealistic.

i had too google "23 inch waist" because i couldn't visualize it.

that's puny. certain people can get to that size and not be at the brink of emaciation but i have to wonder why you chose that number, specifically?

good job on losing 30 pounds i guess but was it intentional?

Please don't starve yourself. People come in all shapes and sizes. Congratulations on the 30 lbs weight loss. I know you're able to lose more, but please do it in a healthy way.

Is a 23-inch waistline too small for a young woman? I don't know so let us look on the Internet.

Today, the average American woman is 5’4″, has a waist size of 34-35 inches and weighs between 140-150 lbs, with a dress size of 12-14. Fifty years ago, the average woman was 5’3-4″ with a waist size of approximately 24-25″, she weighed about 120 lbs and wore a size 8.

Source: Just What IS an Average Woman’s Size Anymore?

The article then goes on to say:
It gets more interesting when you look at changes in women’s bodies and dress sizes dating from the 1950′s. There was actually a uniform sizing system for women’s clothes until the US Department of Commerce dropped it in 1983 noting that the traditional sizes were no longer reflecting the size and shape of the average consumer. Today, in order to cater to women’s vanity, as women have gotten larger, designers have manipulated sizes so that truly larger sizes are marked as smaller. A size 8 in the 1950′s is now a size 4 or less today. Sizing from brand to brand is now so variable that most women fill their closets with at least two or three sizes.

So going by these standards a waistline of 23" may not be abnormal and might be a good goal.

It brings to mind and early American Actress who was admired for her beauty a century ago. Her name was Mae West.



So the standards of what is considered beautiful has changed over the ages. In the 1933 film "I'm No Angel" Mae West said:
"It's not the men in your life that counts. It's the life in your men."

I found some exercise was helpful in getting my waistline down to 24-1/2 inches this summer. As an adult it hasn't never been below 24 inches.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-life ... q-20348574
In fact, a study that looked at data from 650,000 adults found an estimated decrease in life expectancy for the highest versus lowest waist circumference of approximately three years for men and five years for women. This effect was independent of other risk factors, such as age, body mass index (BMI), physical activity, smoking history and alcohol use.

My exercise goal was to look good in a crop top and short shorts. Not a particular number.