A Very Sad Update (My Father is Dead.~)

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Hey folks...I don't know if anyone remembers me or quite frankly would even care, but I'm back, and I have some very sad news...

If there was one thing that made me infamous on this board, both as my old avatar Usagi1992 and my current one, it was my semi-regular bouts of bashing/talking s**t/wishing harmful things about/upon my father, to the point that people started rolling their eyes and getting apathetic to them reeaal swift. You all probably felt that I was a Complete Monster, and rightfully so.

But now...jeez, have I really been away this long?!

My apologies for being away for so long...and I'm sorry it almost took an entire year to finally mention this...but...my father is dead. Sepsis shock, (the same thing that almost killed me in 2004) at the age of 77.

It was the morning of January 26th, 2019. I was playing WoW, and my mom called me up and said she was on her way to the hospital with two of my siblings, saying that today might be the day he succumbs to death, and asked if I wanted to come along to say my good-byes. I said no, BUT I did explain why...I told her that I would rather remember my father as the strong man he used to be.

Well, about 2 hours later, I got a message from mom's facebook asking me if I was still at my desktop; I said I was, and I asked "So, is it done?" And she texted back that yes...he died only 10 minutes ago. I said "okay, thank you for letting me know." I logged off of WoW, went to Youtube...I played this video...



...and I BAWLED the entire time.~ :'( It was his favorite Elton John song, so I felt it was appropriate. True, I recovered very quickly after the song ended...I guess I just needed to let it all out in a short burst. Hey, don't judge me, we all grieve differently. :/

Well anyway, RIP Robert Edward Reed (Sept. 23, 1941 - Jan. 26, 2019)
May you find peace in the afterlife father.

I am witness to your loss and your grief (in your way, for your situation).

(I find movies help me grieve. That video would definitely do it. RIP your dad.)

I’m glad you have forgiven your dad.

It isn’t good to bear eternal grudges.

I've sorry for the loss of your Dad.

A loss is still a loss, even if you two had your differences, he was still your dad. Sorry for your loss.

Requiescat in pace

And healing to the living.

Sorry to hear of your loss. You did the right thing in loading that video tune to watch at that time, as it helped you thru the initial grieving phase.

My mother fell and broke her hip in 2003, and had to go to the hospital. Because of other health issues they couldn't do much for her, and over the next 5 weeks her health spiraled down. My siblings and I were finally called into a meeting with the docs. They said they couldn't keep her at the hospital anymore, and that we had three options. One option was a nursing home that could be anywhere in the state, where ever a bed might be available, including at the far end of the state, until she would pass away. Option 2 was to arrange to have her brought home and cared for there until she finished dying, and option 3 was just to unplug her. They mostly pushed for option 3. We went with having her brought home, but in the mean time we were talked into cutting off her food and liquids. Big mistake, and won't do that again for anyone else. Anyway, during the conference I fell apart, and had a kind of melt down, but not a nasty one, just a natural grief reaction, even tho my Mom was still alive. We finally got the arrangements made to have my mother brought home, but the ambulance was late getting to the hospital, and my mother died there alone while we were setting up the dining room to be a temporary sick room for her. The hospital called to tell us she was gone, and we hurried over there, even tho it was too late. I guess I was in shock at the time. About a week later my mother was buried in her home town, and I was fine then, as I had already dealt with the worst part of my grief even before she died, at that conference in the hospital.

It's been about 16 & 1/2 years since then, but I still often hear, or read, or watch something, and think my mother would be interested in that. At times I'll still feel I need to go tell her about these things, or I'll watch a TV show or movie with some old stars that she liked, and think of her. By the way, I like those old stars, too.

We all have to find our own way to work thru our grief, but don't try to fight it. Let it out, and then you will be better able to go on with your life. I hated that conference with the docs, but the grieving I did then, even tho my mother wasn't quite dead yet, helped me once she had finally died.

Your use of the music video was a good way of dealing with your grief, as music is very helpful in many different situations, including in dealing with grief.

I have a true, but weird grief story about a dog I once had. A couple of years after he died, we moved a few streets away to a neighboring town. Shortly after moving in I had a strange dream one night. I dreamed that my dead dog came to visit me at the new house, and had me take him for a walk in the new neighborhood, because he wanted to know where I lived, so we could feel closer together. I usually forget my dreams within minutes of waking up, but I've never forgotten this dream, or how sweet it was. I guess I still had some unresolved grief over the dog, even tho he'd been dead for a while before the move. The dream tied up those loose ends in a sweet way, and made me feel better. I always feel that way about it when I think about that dream.

Sorry to digress. I hope you can continue to find solace in music and in other ways.

Sweet Pea hugs