I wasted my weekend :(

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I've been too exhausted from thinking through my constantly-changing tech gig(s) to do anything for most of three days. I slept in most of the time. I like my current job but it's ending in a couple weeks & I'll be somehow transitioning to a different CAD job consisting of new stuff I don't exactly know about yet. I'm no longer really trusting of social situations at all after how isolated I've been as a result of my present job, although I really enjoy my work. I'll miss everyone I work with regardless of generally having no clue how they actually feel about me.

The trouble isn't even that I'm doubting myself right now, it's more a matter of how many fundamental changes to my livelihood it looks like I'll have to handle alone. If all goes well I won't even have to leave this company, but I'd be changing my profession for the next year or so at least. It's like I've become too rigorously specialized in new technologies to either do what I actually enjoy or see people I love. I've been socially paralyzed for umpteen years by my obsession with becoming an engineering polymath.

I just want to be back here with some new thread along the lines of all this being fixed somehow, I keep thinking no matter what I accomplish, my past may be too completely screwed up to do anything about this. I guess I should just sit here while my laptop charges to meditate on it.

I think the consequence of learning to properly build everything I want to may be unintentional, brutally self-imposed isolation. I fracking seriously miss everyone.

Truthfully I just also want to show appreciation for WP folks of all stripes. I truly don't know what I'm doing most days, I just try to sit back, make myself invisible & learn the math.

FFS I want to do more in my lifetime than all the damn math.

Hey, self-imposed isolation sucks--been there, done that, lonely.

If you want to chat about randomness let me know.

Change... Mixed feelings. While I don't really like sudden unexpected change, I find that if I stay in a workplace too long I lose the ability to mask and everything starts to unravel around me. I become a nurvous wreck.
So in the past, even though back in those days I couldn't tell you why, I needed to keep changing every few years to a new employment. (I have worked it out now). So on the one hand I find change hard to cope with, on the other hand I reach the point where if I stay I end up in a mess!

This next thing stands a chance of being much better for me, it's not a stretch anyway. I'm just worried about my iffy social graces continuing to keep me alone.

I'm not holding it together perfectly.

You were exhausted and you slept. That’s not a waste of time. That’s time spent being restorative and improving your health & well being.

Your past has nothing to do with your present or future. The actions you take now do.

What “more than all the math,” do you want to do? Meditate on that. Make a short list. Pick a thing and start doing it to give yourself a little variety and a sense of achievement in other realms outside of “all the math.” Even just one little thing might make ya feel a whole lot better.

There was a long time in which I was in rehab and went to bed every day at 9PM.
I think I benefited from getting the rest I needed.

One of my current Special Interests is necessarily my children and I sleep 8-9 hours regularly, sometimes 10 hours to recover. I would sleep all weekend if I could. Due in part to circumstances outside my control, I lost my past friends. Due to those same circumstances I found new friends. Generally I reach out when I HAVE TO, but I am considering something more regular. At this current place in my life, I am not so afraid to move forward socially (after all that is in part my Focus right now) as I am career wise (not my Focus). You are in an opposite place it would seem. Life is Strange. ASD Focus is helpful and troublesome.

If I have already told you this, I apologize. Your past cannot be too screwed up for your life to be "fixed." I can promise you that. My life has been screwed up so many times - actually read: I have screwed up so many times - and in totally bad ways. And I have had so many more years to screw things up in. I don't like thinking about it.

My life is good now and for that I am grateful. Regardless of what you do with your life now, past screw-ups do not prevent you from moving forward.

Rest in good! A long time ago before I knew about extreme autistic burnout, I took a vacation and slept 20-23 hours a day for 2 weeks. I felt that it was a waste as well. Having to adapt to changes is very difficult for me now. I was working for a gigantic financial institution that was changing the way we did our work almost daily. Not even NT's could keep up. I've done technical work as well. Just remember to eat on top of sleep since the brain uses 20%+/- of the calories you intake. Stay up.

Same deal this weekend but I shall try & go skiing tomorrow. I've been really tired & burnt out lately though.

Completely understand. I was supposed to hit the mountains but am way too tired/burned out completely.