What lets you call an event traumatic?

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When I was younger I was informed that my "cousin" was in fact my half sister. She was two years old by this point and had been in a buggy when we first met. When I look back at the memory, I see everything suddenly shifting upside down and I remember that is exactly how it felt. I was so shocked, and in disbelief and my sister, who did not understand the implications was only overjoyed to know she had a sibling. I had a massive meltdown that was at least an hour...

I always describe this as a trauma but I'm not sure if it is worthy (not quite the right word but I can't think of a better one) of that title. After this event I couldn't look at or listen to anything to do with couples as I would either cry or have a panic attack. I still can't listen to certain songs as they trigger panic attacks but that reaction to love songs is a lot less severe now. Several other things have been affected since. My trust in myself is incredibly low due to all the cover up which taught me my suspicions were wrong and I was being crazy. I also have developed a fear around relationships and a belief that I am damaged in a way that means that I will never retain one, even if I did, I would ruin it. Given the threads I see on here I can't call that too unlikely lol. I basically have ended up not trusting and hating myself, self sabotaging and easily upset when I see father child relationships or anything that resembles what happened.

I went to therapy the other day for the first time in awhile and it came up. I now have been crying multiple times a day for the past three days as a result with my levels of self hate and anxiety in not only this area, but the fact I generally feel like a failure and am disgusted by how I look. I noticed it got bad because I've gone back into a really bad habit of constantly experimenting with my own discomfort, not eating for periods so that I get spaced out and start shaking. I eat a good amount I'll just leave a big gap like having a nap when I'm hungry instead of eating first so that happens. I just feel miserable, insecure and hate myself and it's all because that topic was brought up. For now, love songs also cause anxiety again and I constantly feel like I'm on the edge of a panic attack.

Given that it's been several years and i am still so upset, can I qualify this as a trauma or is that just me being overly dramatic. I worry it is and have been beating myself up about this. I hate this and the feelings of inadequacy it sparks up.

Last edited by lvpin on 29 Jan 2020, 7:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Seems it could be.

Sure, usually when people think of trauma, they think of something involving violence or death. But I think certain psychological abuse/neglect can certainly qualify as well...Seems like whether your family intended it or not they basically gas-lighted you for the two years before they told you she was your half sister. So yes I would certainly consider it trauma.

It wasn't really anyone but my dad doing that. My mum was in several layers of denial. When I kept on pointing out it was weird she was calling him Dad and telling her to stop because I could tell this was all very wrong I was constantly told off (this sounds so obvious but who thinks anyone would go that far?) and once I straight up confronted hi about it and was made to feel guilty and horrible for suggesting anything was up. Later on after everything came out the pattern continued. I honestly can't tell what is real with myself anymore as a result lol

The psychiatric intake technician told me that "a trauma is something bad that happened that still affects you"

Everything is either good, bad, both or neither

According to you

Anyone could correctly claim that anything is bad or traumatic