Why I haven’t been to Austin since December

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I haven’t been to Austin since last December for a few reasons. I am practically broke these days, the waiting for the TMS was unproductive, and my social failures have demotivated me. I feel like I am missing out on things but I cannot go due to factors holding me back. My cousin’s girlfriend once told I should go to the Elysium club in Austin and I wish I could without worrying about my finances. However, I am also worried that my social difficulties will make going i enjoyable at the same time since I don’t drink or smoke and I have been shrugged off at other venues in Austin.

It’s good that you don’t drink or smoke Mark. That’s something to be proud of at least. I feel as though I have things about me holding me back from being like most people my age as well. I’m really tired of being poor.

I originally didn’t smoke or drink because I got so many social messages that both things were “bad” or even “sinful” and my grandmother told me only people who didn’t “know better” did them even though I remember being puzzled that she had a wine bottle in her refrigerator. My father also once made me try wine by claiming it tasted like grape juice and I didn’t like it. I honestly don’t mind wine now but I hardly ever touch it. The last time I did was at an Indian restaurant that’s no longer around. I’d rather spend my money on a new comic book.

Yeah it’s better to spend money on something you will get a lot of use out of, rather than something that could just give you a hangover.

There is a lady who comes into the library that likes comics but she’s married and has a family. Most women I encounter don’t care for comic culture at all and I’ve even seen some with their boyfriends at the local comic book shop only because their boyfriends made them go with them.

Have you ever been to a comic or anime or similar convention? I've had better luck with meeting 'subcultured' people at those than in the broader world. That said, most of the women I've had in my life weren't 'subcultured', just open to meeting weirdos (and sometimes weirdos themselves, just better at masking than I am).

I have been to some of both but doing so hasn’t translated to new friendships. Even in those places, I still struggle socially. Part of it is because NTs still dominate both the comic and anime/manga fandoms here in Texas and I wasn’t encouraged to be passionate about my interests or expand my knowledge unless it was ‘biblical’ or ‘normal’ in my developmental years. My parents also would tell me things like “You already have enough of that!” and make me go to church with them.

Would I be fair if I observed that you often seem stuck between embracing your 'weirdness' and trying to fit the mold the people around you expect you to fit?

Yes although lately I feel more like just “dropping out” rather than fitting any mold.

I do wonder why I didn’t try to keep in contact with two people I used to socialize at times with who not only liked video games that weren’t just ‘AAA games’ but anime as well. One of them was a fan of not only Street Fighter and Darkstalkers (instead of just Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat) but also SNK’s fighters like Samurai Shodown and The King of Fighters as well as Guilty Gear and BlazBlue. I don’t remember if the other guy liked fighting games as well though he was interested when I showed him the then new BlazBlue game and I could talk to him about Dragon Ball as well as some other anime/manga franchises. I suppose it was because I was thinking about wanting a girlfriend so much that I didn’t want male friends.

I fell into that trap for awhile and haven't figured out how to get out. I've never been particularly good at maintaining friendships with males, but basically just allowed them to all fade away. When Tsion ended things I basically had a social circle of zero. Now I've got no friends of either gender and don't even know how to start and maintain friendships when people seem potentially viable.

You might want to try a comic/anime convention in a neighboring state, as they might expose you to different people. Some of them do have speed dating opportunities, but they can be expensive for guys. I was at an comic convention that had one and they were charging guys about $40 to participate. One of my former students participated in it and she said that there were about 15 women vs 25 men at the event. She ended up with 23 phone numbers and is still in contact with three of them.

If you do go to a comic/anime convention, just remember to be yourself. That is the beauty of them, as it gives people a chance to be someone else for awhile. There are rules everyone must follow, so not everything Is ok to do. One of my coworkers almost got kicked out because he was taking pictures of people in costumes without asking permission first. I told him it was wrong, but he did not listen to me. Naturally, it was the scantly clad ladies that got in his smart phone view.

I remember seeing a “Geek Speed Dating” event at a comic-con in passing but I didn’t go to it. I kick myself for not doing it but why did I not go to it? I had no idea how speed dating worked and my mother was being a control freak who wouldn’t let me go far on my own. I was only at the convention because her ex-husband’s daughter was part of a group that were styling people’s hair for the event.