Fitting in

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So I got good advice from my family, which essentially boils down to if you have nothing good to say then don't say anything.

Now after a lecture from my aunt I realize I am a very confrontational person, I'm bad at letting an argument go. I'm bad at getting along with people and I'm bad at putting up a facade and just remaining silent. Basically put I think I'm worse at masking than I thought I was.


But I suppose in the interest of fitting into society it's best if I learnt to suppress myself and not allow my emotions to get the better of me and just remain silent. It makes sense to me, people prefer silence over people that argue with them.

It'll be difficult, but I think I can make myself learn to be silent and from there hopefully learn to be courteous and respectful.

My only worry is for my mental health, I'm worried about the negative effects of keeping everything bottled in.

I mean I had a meltdown earlier (which was why I was being lectured) and I emotionally felt much better after expressing my emotions through a meltdown. I am quite worried about long term effects of masking and wondering what I should do to avoid possible negative long term effects.

I've found hobby activities useful in reducing stress.
Working on puzzles or playing games against the computer.

What was the argument about?

The argument was about me cleaning up the room where I sleep, which doubles as my aunt's office. I knocked over her computer by accident and I stopped vacuuming to contact her. She lectured me about things not related to me knocking over her computer, generally said I was lazy, left my work unfinished, how could I not use my head and think. I got really mad and upset, I started arguing that I wasn't leaving the vacuuming unfinished I only stopped to let my aunt know that there was a problem, but she kept going on and I had a meltdown and was then lectured for having a meltdown.

If she was really mad about the computer she should've focused her complaints about the computer and I would be less upset.

Edit: I really do need to find a hobby, although the current situation offers rather limited opportunities for exploration.

I've certainly had trouble with arguing and needing to be right, or at least have the other person acknowledge what I was saying. And when I have had to bite my tongue, it used to cause a fury inside me that might rage for days.

I think I've managed to stem some of that by changing my insides. I don't care anymore if someone else is wrong. There's a lot of that going around. And sometimes I am wrong and if I have caused a big stink, it is embarrassing or hard to back down.

My personal life and health are much improved by this change in focus. That's what makes it worth while.

I've experimentally found that even here, on a forum for people on the spectrum, people don't appreciate honesty as opposed to "white lies" carefully written to avoid offending someone. So where can you be totally honest?


In the privacy of your own home with an adoring pet cat or dog.

BTDT. I agree completely. Unfortunately, I left my dog behind with my father and mother before I moved to New York looking to get a career.

I underestimated how much I had come to rely on the dog for emotional support, but it may be for the better. I'm learning hard lessons and getting a better idea of how to cope and how to deal with life. It just leaves me a bit exhausted each day.

I just don't want to return home in defeat, since that's essentially admitting that I can't make it on my own or that I can't stand on my own two feet.

@blazingstar, I hope to make that transition myself, won't be easy, but it's comforting to know it is possible. My own anger is the explosive type I don't tend to stay angry, it builds and then explodes at a hair-trigger.