My mom is driving me crazy

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My mom gets angry easily and b*****s at me a lot. Since things were so hard in the rooming house where I live, I decided to move back home with my parents for a while. At least I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, but I have to deal with mom. Sometimes I can't just have a normal conversation with her. She will start yelling and bitching at me, over practically nothing. I've been at my parents place for a month now. As hard as living in the rooming house was, I miss the freedom of being independent. She said I'm not allowed to move all my stuff back into my rooming house. Not until another month. And even then I'm not sure I'll be allowed back with my stuff, it depends if people are able to go out places again. So she said I could go back but she is keeping all my stuff here for another month. She signed a document 3 years back, giving authority to my psychiatrist to put me on an antipsychotic medication weather I wanted to go on it or not. I wonder if since it has been 3 years, if I'm allowed to go off it or not. It is making me fat and miserable. no one seems to care if it gives me health problems. Not even my doctor. My mom probably is what drove me crazy in the first place.

I’ll admit I probably need to be on a low dose of antipsychotics just to be able to deal with living in that rooming house. I just wish it wouldn’t make me balloon up in weight. I’m on like 5 different wait lists to get out of there. Might need to get a job while I’m there so I can afford to move out. The system will probably take years until they are willing to subsidize an apartment for me. I guess for now I am to be over weight and depressed.

Mom doesn't have guardianship over me and I am 35. It's just that she said she would cut off all ties with me when I go off my medication, unless my psychiatrist says it's okay. Since my mom helps out with things like laundry and occasionally food, it would suck without her. And I would also miss my mom. Because of cognitive problems often times I have a difficult time making decisions. Sometimes I can only figure things out when I talk to my mom. But I know antipsychotic medication is bad for the body. I am not happy to be on it. I don't know how to get out of this. I've complained about this before and people just said I should try to go on without moms help. But I can't see myself doing that. Anyway, it takes me a long time to figure things out.

And yes I've tried to talk to mom and explain why I don't want to take medication. But she just thinks I would go crazy without it. I know I was crazy before taking it. But I had just broken up with my boyfriend and felt as though I lost everything. I never had an autism diagnosis and couldn't understand why I couldn't keep up with my peers back then. And I was also being abused and thought I would end up homeless. After a while the pain from reality was too much. So I hid in my imagination and after a while lost touch with reality. Mom thinks one day in the mental hospital when I all of a sudden started making sense, that it was the medication helping me. When really I had just gotten off the phone with a girl I know, that had talked some sense into me. Hopefully my psychiatrist will say it's okay to go off this medication at some point. It would be stupid to go off of it now because the rooming house I live in is not a stable environment. Maybe if I can get used to it sucking so much there I can get my medication reduced. Just feeling really trapped right now. Like people have too much power over me.

Right now because of covid-19 there is access to free mental health services online. See what is available in your area - maybe a fresh perspective will do you some good.

Do your parents live together? If they do, what does your dad have to say about your mom's behaviour of trying to force you take the meds?

Right now because of covid-19 there is access to free mental health services online. See what is available in your area - maybe a fresh perspective will do you some good.

I don't think dad cares as much but probably thinks I should be on them too. And mom would never think online therapy works. She will basically go along with whatever my psychiatrist says.