I put my foot in it

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See, Mountain Goat, I do it too (referring to a recent thread of your's).

So my cousin works at the same place as my friend, and my cousin texted me today and said that she'd heard that my friend was tested positive for COVID-19. I wanted to know if my friend was OK so I texted her and told her that I'd heard she had COVID-19 and asked if she was OK and everything. But she was rather angry, she asked me who told me and that she didn't want anyone outside work to know and that my cousin shouldn't discuss things about work.
There was no hint from my cousin not to let on, so I assumed it was fine to ask how my friend is, as I care about her.
My friend wasn't angry at me, she was angry about my cousin telling me. Now I feel guilty for my cousin, I don't want to get her into trouble or have them fall out.

I wish I hadn't texted my friend now, but I was worried and just wanted to know if she's OK, as that's what friends are for. How should I put this right?

Last edited by Joe90 on 30 Apr 2020, 4:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think you need to do anything. She may not want her friends to worry over her too much, maybe drop the whole topic and just send her your love.

It is something I have done without realizing it.

Also, at times when I have been recovering from a shutdown where outwardly people may not notice, I have messed up because my mind is still coming back online if rhat makes sense? That is where I am most likely to mess up. It is a case where I end up doubly checking everything... Like "Did you say you wanted me to do this?" when someone who I used to work with had asked me etc, etc, etc!

I agree, this sounds like good advice. You didn't do anything wrong, I think as long as you don't pass the news on to anyone else, you're good. I don't know if there's really anything you can do to try to help maintain the friendship between your ousin and your friend, unfortunately, I think that's something they'll have to work out on their own. Don't blame yourself, your cousin didn't ask you not to tell your friend that she'd told you and it's perfectly natural to want to check in with someone you care about when you hear that they are sick.

Or she just dislikes the imagination of being avoided because she is the one who has COVID-19 now. Guess NT women do rate themself in social hierarchy accordingly their own attractivity. The ones who are avoided are the ones who have the lowest social state.

My cousin did actually get told off, which I feel guilty about. But I wasn't to know that my friend didn't want anyone to know she has coronavirus, but I still somehow feel guilty.

I had a similar situation, so I know how you feel.

My friend told me many times that her husband drove a certain route to see his brother, who was in prison. I was friends with both of them, the husband and the wife.

When I had my stroke and couldn't drive, I desperately needed to go that direction and wondered if her husband could drive me. It's pretty far, so it would have cost me a fortune in Uber. He seemed like a perfect solution.

I messaged the husband (the wife was at work), and said "Hey, the next time you go visit your brother, would I be able to get a ride to ____?" I didn't even mention the prison or the brother being incarcerated.

The wife freaked out on me and has never spoken to me again. Apparently, she wasn't supposed to tell people that her husband's brother was in prison or that he drove to that town. She never told me that .... she never said it's a secret ... but her husband was furious with her, for telling me.

This was five years ago and unfortunately she never apologised. She cut me out of her life because she had told me a "secret" against her husband's wishes, and he found out. I didn't do anything wrong ... just like you. It was a fight between the two of them. She didn't have any empathy for the fact I'd suffered a stroke and was reaching out for help and support. It was all about her, and her feelings.

You have my sympathies. People are strange.

Not your fault but hers. She wasn't supposed to tell anybody but did. But every guy should know that he can't trust a woman to keep a secret of course because she will share it with her best friend quite fast who may tell it her partner as well. It was quite naive of him to expect this of her to do.
Sorry girls but you aren't trustworthy if if comes to keep secrets.

Last edited by quite an extreme on 03 May 2020, 2:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I agree. She betrayed her husband's confidence but I got punished for it.

Joe I'm sorry this happened. I know how upset you must be.

I hate it when people do this. The wife cut you out of her life all because she told you something her husband told her not to. I really don't understand people who cut off a friendship for something that wasn't your fault at all.
My mum's been in a similar situation to this. Back in the 90s my mum's sister had an affair with my mum's friend's husband. My mum knew about it but didn't like to interfere, although she did not approve of what her sister was doing. But her sister and the guy were both older than her and wouldn't listen. Thankfully the affair soon ended and my mum's sister carried on with her life. But in the early 2000s my mum's friend suddenly marched up to my mum out of the blue and started having a go at her about the affair, and she told my mum never to see her again or to see her mother (my mum was also friends with her friend's mum, who was just an elderly lady). My mum felt distraught that her own friend blamed her because her sister had an affair with her husband, as though the friend was expecting my mum to control what her sister did and didn't do. I'd understand it if my mum was the one who had the affair with her friend's husband, but her sister was her own person.

So yeah, some people can be very mean and like to take things out on the most innocent person.
My cousin is like a best friend to me and I know she would never cut me out of her life over something like this, and we both agreed that we still tell each other everything but not repeat it to many other people, especially if it's about where she works.

Quite An Extreme is right, us girls do like to gossip
But I don't often repeat things to others if someone has either specifically said or even just hinted not to tell anyone. In this particular situation there was no hint not to tell anyone.

I had a friend at school who would share certain information that he had done wrong and I was like "Umm. Why do I need to know that?" and then he would beat me up because I knew what he had done. (Why tell me then? )
Thankfully he has matured since those days and he is the only school friend who I occasionally am in touch with, as he calls in around once a year, which I really appreciate as no one else has.

That's a different thing then telling a woman and he would be totally right to beat you up. It's because men allways needed to trust each other and to rely on each other especially if it comes to fights. The ones who can't even keep a secret about what you did wrong aren't your friends at all and not at all trustworthy.

I don't think you get what I mean.
Lets say he had stolen a packet of crisps from a shop. (I am not saying he has. Is just an example). Now I would know nothing about this event. He would then come up to me and tell me what he had done, and straight away beat me up to try and threaten me incase I told someone else as no one else knew. Now what puzzled me was his unusual logic. Why tell me in the first place?

Depends on what happened. Did he brag or just tell? And how was your first reaction?
There are seval possibilities depending on what happened and how well he knew you while doing this:

- He wanted to let you know how cool he is and scare you with it but did wan't to prevent you from telling others
- He wanted to let you know how cool he is and just brag with it but didn't trust you not telling others
- He wanted just to talk about and noticed that you were up to let others know and did want to prevent this by either telling you not to do or scaring you to do
- He wanted just to talk about and trusted you but did want to prevent you telling about it because he was unsure whether you were trustworthy enough to know or possibly naive enough to tell others

But be sure he would have beat up you and wouldn't be your friend anymore if you hadn't kept it to you. Nobody likes guys who can't be trusted if it comes to keeping a secret.