Dr Emily Lovegrove psychologist, author diagnosed at age 71

Post Reply New Topic

Diagnosed with autism aged 71, Dr Emily Lovegrove broke down in tears with a therapist recalling the way she had been treated as a child.

Emily was not upset to be told she had autism but was upset by the toll it had taken on her growing up.

The grandmother and author said she has a different way of seeing the world which led to a bad relationships with her parents and at school.

It was her daughter who suggested she might be on the spectrum when she herself was diagnosed with autism in her 40s.

Three years on Emily, now 74, said she was glad to have a diagnosis because it made what had happened in her life clearer. But it might not be the right decision for everyone who thinks they may have autism.

“I thought long and hard about whether to go for a diagnosis and eventually I decided to. I went to my GP and they said it was a good idea but referrals took years and so I went privately."

“My reaction was: 'Hooray! I am not bad or mad or sad'. As a child it had been implied that I was very difficult and my father was clear: 'You have never been normal'."

She said one of the traits of autism was not wanting to make eye contact, which can prevent babies bonding with parents – storing up future potential bonding problems in the process.

“My mother got cross and my father rejected me. At school I was always on the outside of groups and when I got a 'friend' she bullied me.

“So there was huge relief getting a diagnosis and knowing I was not deliberately difficult and it was my personality due to my brain type.

“But that was followed by huge distress that if I was a perfectly normal autistic why was there not understanding? The answer is it was not so known about and understood then – or now.

“At that point I got very distressed because when I look back at my childhood there were lots of things that would now be considered abusive because of this.”

“I am not sure I even know what facial expressions are or what they mean. I'm not good at reading facial expressions.

"Because I am a psychologist I read books about it and can understand what facial expressions are but do I recognise it when it is happening to me? Often not. I will miss things like rolling eyeballs when I’m talking."

Emily and her husband have three children and all three were diagnosed as adults with different neuro-diverse conditions – one with autism, one with ADHD, and one with dyslexia.

All are thriving and successful but she says their academic ability meant their traits were not picked up at school at a time when all three conditions were less understood.

As a qualified psychologist Emily worked as an adviser on bullying for Pembrokeshire local education authority until six years ago, runs a private practice in Crickhowell, and is also author of two books in anti-bullying strategies.

Far from being worried about her diagnosis Emily says autism has benefits, one of which is saying what you mean. Although that can have its bad sides it can help when rapid and clear communication is needed.

“Autism often means being very direct in what you say. When I met my husband-to-be in a library I said: 'Do you want to have an affair?' Also autistic, he promptly said: 'Yes'."