Nervous breakdown, PMT or just ADHD getting worse?

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I don't know what's come over me the last few days but I feel very irritable, mostly at work with an annoying colleague. I won't go into detail about that but this week I feel very impatient, easily irritated and depressed. I feel like ranting a lot.

I keep getting told off at work for little things and I've found myself answering back at my supervisor, which is not usually like me. He's not the sort of person to empathise or understand, so it's no point even trying to talk to him about how I'm feeling.

I'm having a mixture of all sorts of emotions; anxiety and fear of catching COVID from going to work, frustration of not being able to visit friends and family, uncertainty of this pandemic and the recession that's to follow... I think it's just all getting to me. I know I'm going to get COVID sooner or later because there seems to be thousands of new cases each day in the UK and around one thousand deaths, and now they're saying people in their 20s and 30s are getting severely ill with it. And if thousands of people are getting it a day then it's only a matter of time before I get it. There'll be a thousand more deaths tomorrow. It's panicking me. Why haven't I got it yet, if 70,000+ people are getting it each day? Who are all these people?

Also at work this week I felt like my body was on "fast forward", and I kept feeling easily frustrated with the woman I was working with (but I didn't show it to her), because she is a very slow worker and gets in the way, and all I wanted to be was on my own where I could just work fast and get done. I found it hard to stand still and wait for her, and so I ended up climbing over seats to pass her because I just couldn't take it any more.

I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm on Sertraline yes, but this is the type of thing that antidepressants can't control. I think it's the isolation, the lack of freedom, the fear, the uncertainty, everything, is getting to me severely. Lockdowns do f**k all, nearly 80,000 people have already died of COVID in the UK even though we've had lockdowns, so what good are they really doing? It's just not helping anybody's mental health right now.
Help me, before I descend into madness.

It’s the stress of COVID, I believe.

I don’t believe it is pathological. It’s understandable.

As long as you don’t commit irrational acts, that is—like throwing things, cursing to yourself, vandalism, things like that.

I wish you could distract yourself through reading books, and researching the Internet (but not emphasizing reading about COVID).

Aww. First thing is to avoid looking at the TV news for a while. I have never watched anything so depressive in my life and that was before the virus started. They rarely ever have anything positive to say on there. Avoid watching it for your own mental wellbeing.
I hope my humour the last day or two did not cause you any issues. I did not mean it to be a bad thing but to make you laugh.
You mentioned you like doing certain things. Do them more often. Why not do something unusual? Paint a bus green or pink when no ones looking? Something crazy and daft usually gets me in a humourus mood!
How about putting a Christmas decoration up in a bus when no one is around or a "Happy birthday" decoration when it is no ones birthday so everyone is puzzled why it is there? Anything amusing to keep yourself amused. (Don't actually paint a bus green or pink as they might not see the funny side. I only said that as a humourus joke).

How about if you know it is someones birthday, give them a Christmas card and sign it full of mystery names of people they don't know? Anything amusing like that to make you smile?

Please don't blame yourself, it is nobody's fault on WP, it's mostly this stupid woman at work who's causing me so much stress. Work actually used to be a place where I done tasks that relaxed me. Now with all this COVID we have to disinfect every bus every night and it takes up more time. I'd be quite happy doing it if it wasn't for this woman I have to work with every day. She seems to like getting in the way and she has her annoying radio on her phone on every day and she's just in her own world - which is actually a hazard where we work because it is vital to use all your senses when working around buses that are reversing and moving and parking up, as you need to be alert. She's not at all alert. She has tunnel vision too, so she just gets right in your space because she can't see you there. I need space because I don't want to be within 2 metres of people. She doesn't respect that. All she likes to do is get in the way and slow us down. And it doesn't matter who does what task, she'll still get in my way because she rushes on to the bus I'm cleaning and starts instead of waiting for me to at least nearly finish. There's not much room to pass each other in a bus aisle, but she stands and blocks the way and I can't get by, and if I say ''excuse me'' she just ignores me.
If I tell all this to my supervisor he doesn't listen, he doesn't know how frustrating it is for me, a fast worker, to be held up by a slow worker every day because he doesn't have to work with her. Even if I tell the management it still doesn't work, like she's a favourite or something (even though she's the most unpopular, and unliked, person there).
I like her, but as a work partner she is incredibly exasperating. I feel like screaming with frustration but I can't. And keeping in all this frustration probably isn't doing my mental health any good.

I'm finding things that require focus too hard to do. I have word game apps on my phone but the thinking seems to be so exhausting that I end up just cheating every time, just to get past the level instead of actually enjoying the game.

I think you need to put in for your supervisors job as he clearly is not up to the task. It is your supervisors job to sort this out and make sure that she is safe and does not conflict with other workers. I think you would be able to do better as you see things which can be changed. Your supervisor does seem to be either not bothered or blind to what is happening in front of him. If he was up to the job he would have seen the issues and made adjustments so everyone will be able to work well without being hampered in this way.

He's a useless supervisor but won't step down because he likes to be the big 'I Am'. I know I have good ideas of how the place should be run, I don't think I'll be in a fit state to be a supervisor because of my organisation difficulties and being a people pleaser (in other words, not very good a position of authority).
I think the supervisor is actually getting dementia, as he's pretty old but stubbornly won't retire as he's physically fit and healthy for his age, but being physically fit and healthy doesn't excemt one from getting dementia. He's already made a few careless mistakes that he's never made before that has damaged equipment that has coated the company money to repair. I know that it is a matter of time before he forgets to put handbrakes on on the buses, which can be a huge death risk. But whenever I tell anyone about this, they don't take me seriously. But I am quite educated in dementia as I used to work with dementia patients so I know the early onset symptoms and unfortunately the supervisor is showing some signs. So if I don't die of COVID I'll probably die of being squashed by a driverless bus instead...

hello Joe90
i was reading your predicament

I was wondering, do you have an work adviser due to having ASD
In some areas they give people with various "obstacles" to employment or who have disabilities one

these advisers kind of oversee their clients progress and look after their welfare
and if any of their clients get into trouble

they help to sort things out. I was wondering if contacting your local Autism support group may also help.
Other than that, re the virus and 80,000 deaths. Which is a fair amount in all fairness.

Please put into perspective, that 80,000 still isn't that much when considering the UK population is 66.65 million

Also, with regards to the coronavirus, they estimate that with the various vaccines in production
they will have all the vulnerable category of people vaccinated by the end of march

so just another 10 weeks to go
so not the longest period ever

also with regards to recessions
i don't know how that is going to effect us

although what i do know is that the last big recession caused by the economic crisis of 2007
didn't effect us normal folk as much as perhaps the big recession in the early 90s

and economic crisis'es happen every few years
its just how economics work at the mo

try and count your blessings every day
as then you can wake up

otherwise not sure what else to suggest about your supervisor

I don't have a local autism support group.

Nobody at work knows about my ASD and my problem at work right now is not actually related to having ASD. All I want is to get the work done effectively and this idiot woman I have to work with just likes to get in the way and slows me down, and nobody does anything about her. I think she's the one that needs to see an employment advisor and get them to get her a job where she's not getting in people's way and not frustrating the f**k out of people.