Wish I could leave and not look back

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I really wish I could leave this place and not look back. I’ve put many years into this place and I used to hope I could post about the initial reason why I even posted in the first place but that day always looks unattainable to me and I have so many demons here that it makes me not want to stay. My day in the sun feels like it will never come and I will be remembered as a failure in this life but a part of me wishes I could one day tell others I finally succeeded. I just wish the demons here wouldn’t make me feel like I have to go.

You don’t have to go, Mark. WP is a support forum, afterall and we’re all here to help one another through the good and the difficult times. It’s always good to hear from you and even if life isn’t headed in the direction you wish it would have by now, many of us are still behind you 100% and want to see you succeed and find happiness.

You come here, I think, to unburden yourself and we are here for you and each other.
When I asked for help/advice/ understanding, there were people here who knew what I was experiencing and advised me, compassionately.
Some (many?) of us do not have someone close to call or talk to face to face. The members of WP who frequent The Haven care, and have been there.
Write down your confusion and frustration and pain and know that someone here has been where you are, and understands your struggles.

Somewhere within most the human psyche...

Being comfortable with the same old thoughts, same old beliefs and same old actions or behaviors -- basically living in some sort of past and holding on some sort of memory as if it's the now.

If people tells you to let go, a part of you would refuse. Because it's a part of the routine so to speak.


So you'd look back and worry about the people you're supposed to ignore or let go.
Even if at the forefront of your mind you want to and you would chose to -- it cannot be helped.
So you'd be stubborn not to let go off ideas that you thought it'll reward you, but actually harms you in the long run.

Most humans have the same patterns of cycles, you see.

If you wanna leave and not look back, do not fear or worry what you don't know.
But it's tricky to actually know what you don't know or refuse to know -- many of these you may claim known already, but likely misinterpreted.

And that's the most basic step, it can be applied to many -- including against various personal demons.

The means can be as simple as awareness and an affirmation, complex ones may require a lot of talks, maybe therapy and intervention.
The latter is still ineffective if one doesn't know how to explore the painful bits of themselves without fighting it.


Sorry I do not just do and say people wish them best or not worry.
Nor encourage nor discourage anyone to stay, do or not do without further contexts.

Just consider this post as a hint of sorts... Something to think about. Maybe find your own conclusions.

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Hugs for you Marknis It will get better.

How are you doing?
Let us know.

Thank you everyone! I have the speed dating event in my mind and I hope it will go good for me.

I’m wishing you the absolute best with the speed dating thing. You know me well enough to know that encouragement is not my strength, but I can say that practice with these things, taking care to learn from each experience, will make you stronger. The fact that you’re doing a speed-dating thing and looking forward to it is a positive sign. No matter what happens, I think just doing this much makes you a winner.

I can also relate to wanting to get away from where you are. I’d been hoping that I’d have that one experience, that one magic moment that would be my ticket out of the Delta. That moment never came. We basically just quit our jobs, packed our bags, pointed the van south and started driving. I’m teaching music full time now, and she’s out of a job. Just nothing available. So she’s caring for the baby, cleaning house, and now she has a stained glass studio. She’s made a little money from it. That’s not bragging or meant to compete...just saying that things can happen when you least expect it. Be open to it. Sometimes it really is that simple.

Like many, I wish you the best of luck, Brother Marknis!

Tell us what happened after!

How my life often feels like:


What I wish it was like: