What my mind tells me and what others tell me

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What my mind tells me

1. “I am 32 and I can’t even get a coffee date. That is pathetic.”

2. “I can’t even get a date through a dating site or app while every other guy can. That is proof I can’t succeed.”

3. “I didn’t date in high school. I can’t develop any dating skills because of that.”

4. “I missed out on the psychosocial moratorium because I was socially isolated and wasn’t allowed to experiment. This means I am doomed to never learn new social skills.”

5. “My brain stopped developing when I was 25 and I was still socially isolated. My brain can’t make new neural connections thus it can’t undergo neural plasticity.”

6. “Unless I drink or smoke, I can’t have a social life.”

7. “No one wants to make new friends these days because they already have enough and don’t want to make any new ones.”

8. “Why do others tell me not to kill myself but on the same token they don’t want me to have a girlfriend which is the root cause of my depressed feelings?”

9. “The number of single women in the US is dropping rapidly and by the time I will be considered “ok”, it’ll be too late because there won’t be anymore single women.”

10. “Every woman I find attractive in my area is either in a relationship or is married.”

11. “I might have to become a Christian again if I want a relationship even though growing up in the church didn’t get me one.”

12. “I don’t want to live past 35 the way my life is going. It’s been a nightmare since 2006 and it doesn’t feel right at all.”

What others tell me

1. “She’s up for grabs, man!”

2. “You’ll run out of time if you do other things first!”

3. “Is there someone you are interested in?”

4. “Don’t work on it too long!” (A response to when I said I was going to work on myself.)

5. “There is a small chance you’ll never have a partner.”

6. “You need to meet at least 10 new people a week before you can get a date.”

7. “You need to go to college or women will see that as a red flag.”

8. “You don’t look like you have trouble attracting women.”

9. “Why don’t you ask out the waitresses at the Mexican restaurant?”

10. “Single people meet up at weddings! If you go to your brother’s wedding, there will be a single girl there hoping to meet a single guy!”

I know you're not exactly the biggest sports fan, but have you considered going to an Austin FC (Major League Soccer) game now that they've started playing? In my experience, American soccer fans tend to be more quirky than American football fans.

I am not familiar with them. I am a novice to sports so I wouldn’t know what to say, especially anything interesting. Even when I saw bands I like in Austin, the conversations didn’t lead to friendships.

Marknis, is there any topic, of any kind, that you have become an expert on, or could easily become an expert on, given your hobbies?

I am not sure what would make me qualified to be an expert. Reading enough books on a topic? Making a lot of essays? Winning debates? Actually creating my own work?

What it takes to be an expert on a given subject varies with the subject matter. In most cases there is probably more than one way.

And, even if you're not a full-fledged expert but just relatively knowledgeable, you might still be able to create a useful resource for newbies.

I tend to know more about anime and manga than most people around me do. Most people in my area these days think it’s just Dragon Ball, Sailor Moon, One Piece, Naruto, Bleach, Attack on Titan, My Hero Academia, and Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Not knocking any of these series, just making a point.) when there are lesser known series like JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Bastard!! (Though I don’t read it anymore since it’s been on indefinite hiatus since 2011 and Viz Media stopped publishing it.), Berserk, Battle Angel Alita, Negima! as well as its sequel UQ Holder!, Made in Abyss, Twin Star Exorcists, and many others. Berserk and Battle Angel Alita are my personal favorite mangas.

Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat are the best known fighting games in my area but I prefer Samurai Shodown and Guilty Gear.

When it comes to comics, people are generally familiar with Marvel and DC. I am far from an expert on both companies but I’ve read some titles that my friends who are more knowledgeable in general about the superhero medium have not. For example, my friends who own comic book shops are familiar with the mainline X-Men titles but they’ve told me personally they’ve never read the lesser known 90’s X-books like Generation X and X-Man while I have. I’ve also read an Italian comic called Keepers of the Maser and a French comic called Requiem Vampire Knight.

It seems to me there are three categories to consider. Maybe four.

- What your mind tells you
- What others in your "real life" tell you
- What people on WP and other autism sites have suggested or told you (99% supportive advice)
- What you believe based on all the input, after considering what's applicable and true

I hope you can continue to focus on what you know is right, which is your moral core. You see a lot of hypocrisy in the people around you and you seem to have a lot of integrity about your values. I hope you can continue to put those ahead of the negative messages in your home culture, and forge a way forward using the advice you've been given on WP. I think deep down you know that you agree with the suggestions you get online, but you're nervous about how to proceed. For example, Mona and Bea have both given a lot of constructive support about how to be more independent and seek a new community of peers by relocating, or reaching out to other subcultures where your interests would be more prevalent.

I've seen some positive changes in the way you think and react to feedback. I hope you continue on that path.

Most of the nervousness comes from people treating me harshly as a child. A swim teacher once growled “Mark!” as I was getting out of the pool and she hit me on the head with a plastic ring she was holding in her hand. I also remember trying to climb up a tree fort on a playground and this giant woman yelled “MARK!” at me. It was also common for my parents, grandparents, and teachers at school to roar “MARK! MARK!” at me. Sometimes when I hear my name, it will make me jump or even twitch my vagus nerve slightly because I fear getting scorned for something. My mother still will call my name and I get chills but I’ll now say something back to her after the initial fear subsides.

Did you see my topic about my first and only real girlfriend? I hope that relationship won’t be the only relationship I have in this life.