Wanting to stop viewing but can’t

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Even when I was a child, I felt like others didn’t like me because I often wasn’t included in games, I had a swim teacher hit me on the head with a plastic ring she was holding,
a kid decided to punch me in the face just for talking to him, and my older brother’s best friend’s older brother knocked me down for no clear reason. In junior high and above that, another kid spat Coke at me before kicking me in the shin for no clear reason, my older brother’s friend made homophobic slurs to me out of nowhere, and I had some bullies sexually harass me.

Change of perspective. Focus, Marknis.

If doing so will help me in getting a girlfriend, I will consider it.

A change of perspective certainly WOULD help you get a girlfriend.

I don’t think it will happen instantly, though. There are also things that keep my mind feeling bad.



My aunt said God was still writing my love story but there is no evidence that the Abrahamic god is doing that. I grew up constantly praying to the Abrahamic god but never got an answer or even saw one of the supposed “mysterious ways” it works in. Learning about other religions, such as Hinduism, also made me wonder if the Abrahamic god is the only true one, why is there other religions who think the same about the gods in their’s? When I learned that Hinduism is older than any of the Abrahamic religions, that only further made me question what I was being told by the teachers I had.

A lot of us had that problem as children.

I never fit in with my age-peers and didn't get along with my classmates. At home, there were some kids in the neighborhood who were willing to play with me, but they were mostly two to four years younger than me. Kids my own age didn't like me.


Ugh!! !

I decided I am going on the week or two break from this place. It’s going to be hard because there are people I still like here but the overall atmosphere of this place reminds me of the Meet Up group events I attended. I could talk to some people but the conversations fizzled out and I couldn’t join in on the other conversations, especially when it turned to things like traveling, succeeding at certain hobbies, and sex (The people in the Meet Up group I was a part of for years were especially sex positive and it hurt when I couldn’t join in on their topics). I had limited forum usage before I re-joined this place back in 2016. Maybe I need to go back to that state?

Think of what new perspectives you COULD gain, Brother Marknis.

Try to do something new, and that is not on the list of issues you have problems with.
And pause on the things you hate/dislike/reject. It sounds you need to pause in your struggle to have relations.
Not easy but try. And when you fail, try again.
Doing and thinking about things you want to try or think about is so relaxing.
The only medicine for a mind running the same loops, is to get it to think on something else.
Sing, learn to whistle, read, watch something interesting, get the noggin to focus outside the loops.
And take a pause from the hierarchy ladder, just get off it.