When people won't help themselves

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r00tb33r
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20 Apr 2021, 5:53 pm

Fnord wrote:

It is hard to help people when every suggestion is met with an excuse

Word.

MidnightRose
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22 Apr 2021, 2:52 am

Fnord wrote:

Some people may derive their sense of self-worth only through playing the "Poor Me" game.

Of course, someone constantly seeking attention from wallowing in misery on a web forum is clearly still in some kind of mental/emotional distress. It is a type of call for help. That said, it can be an intractable argument that eventually becomes draining on the person trying to help. And most of us randos online aren't licensed mental health professionals. You're not under any obligation to try and stick it out with them.

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22 Apr 2021, 8:48 am

MidnightRose wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Some people may derive their sense of self-worth only through playing the "Poor Me" game.

Nor are we under any obligation to even care about their alleged distress.

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22 Apr 2021, 10:24 am

Here's a saying I apply to my life: don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Trying to help others is noble, but if your repeated attempts to help are leaving you twisted in knots and exhausted, it's time to pull back and take care of your own mental health.

It's one of the reason I stepped down as a mod. I now no longer have to deal with certain individuals, and am free to block their PMs. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You did your best, and now the onus is on others to finally help themselves.

Take gentle care.

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22 Apr 2021, 10:26 am

XFilesGeek wrote:

... Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm ...

That is what my grandma used to say, and she was one of the kindest, sweetest, most generous people who ever lived; but even she had her limits.

Joe90
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22 Apr 2021, 12:32 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:

Usually on autism forums we get accused of lacking empathy if we don't help or listen, and I hate it when people do that. It's been happening a lot here lately.

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22 Apr 2021, 1:07 pm

Joe90 wrote:

XFilesGeek wrote:

Usually on autism forums we get accused of lacking empathy if we don't help or listen, and I hate it when people do that. It's been happening a lot here lately.

People have limited energy. You can't help everyone, and, if you try, you're going to end up in a bad way.

Miss Bea has people in her real life who need her, and she can't be burning all of her oil on hopeless cases on the internet.

I think autistic people have even more empathy and sensitivity than NTs, so it applies doubly for us.

funeralxempire
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22 Apr 2021, 1:10 pm

Joe90 wrote:

XFilesGeek wrote:

Usually on autism forums we get accused of lacking empathy if we don't help or listen, and I hate it when people do that. It's been happening a lot here lately.

Often when people insist one lacks empathy what they mean is one lacks sympathy for them.

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Edna3362
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24 Apr 2021, 1:44 pm

Discernment is the key.

There's a difference between someone with severe depression, who needed a little moment of light... From someone with a demanding and fragile ego.

Obviously, one can have severe depression without the fragile and immature ego, and without attempting to emotionally blackmail or kidnap you.

As for severe depression, it is not simple -- we are not professionals as everyone already said in this thread.

As for cases with fragile and immature egos -- with or without depression -- who knows?
Usually they should go where they are resonated with; mainly consists of echo chambers that enables and validates their games, their unhealthy mindsets and ideas.

But for how long until they realize what is right, who and what breaks them out of such state (whether by a friend, or actually do found truths by getting what they're wishing for) or even develop leaps and reach realization with time?
I do not know. It is already observed it varies a lot from person to person. I'm not here to speculate.

Again, we are not professionals. And we do not owe these people.

I can only give what I thought they may need.
But I cannot give them all what I thought they want. I'm just not that kind of person.

I've quit the role of a 'sympath' in my past net life. I should at least know what being burnt out from trying to relate and being too patient meant.

The best I could do now whenever I encounter something like this was; dropping my ego.

Of course without giving them satisfaction nor validation -- I will not be the reflection of what they want to hear, nor I reflect what I thought I see at them as.
Being as non judgmental and least sentimental possible.

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magz
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24 Apr 2021, 1:49 pm

Edna3362 wrote:

Being as non judgmental and least sentimental possible.

That's really, really wise.

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24 Apr 2021, 1:53 pm

BeaArthur wrote:

... that's when I'm done. I need to stay out of Haven and to a lesser extent, Wrongplanet, completely. Somebody else can carry the torch - I nominate Isabella.

(Sorry, Isabella! But you're doing a great job.)

It's hard to keep helping people when they won't take the help. I wish you wouldn't leave, but you've got to do what you've got to do.

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24 Apr 2021, 2:04 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:

It's hard to keep helping people when they won't take the help...

Eventually, such people seem to alienate so many others that their absence triggers no emotional response.

In simpler terms, when they stop logging on, nobody misses them.

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