Venting

Post Reply New Topic

My gender dysphoria has been pretty intense lately. I've been getting referred to as a girl and deadnamed a lot at work (not on purpose, I haven't explicitly told anyone that I'm trans and only a couple of people have caught on), and I thought that it wasn't bothering me, but I've finally noticed how much it's been stressing me out. It's been triggering me to try to heavily restrict my food intake and lose weight, which I was doing when my gender dysphoria was really bad a few years ago.

Today I even saw some photos from when I was at my lowest weight then, and just wished that I weighed that much and looked like that again, which is stupid because I was really skinny, had health issues from not eating, and felt like s**t 24/7. Though I did look a lot more androgynous and was easily able to hide my breasts and other "feminine" aspects of my body, plus was mostly referred to as a guy by people then, which is what I found triggering about it.

The last couple days I've even been hiding and throwing food away so no one in my family notices that I'm not eating as much as they think I am, which is something I haven't done for years. I feel like an idiot because I can't resist the urge to do this type of crap anymore after resisting it for so long, and it's making my self esteem plummet even further. I'm worried that I'll fall back into more bad habits and eventually get myself in trouble health wise and at work.

Closets are for clothes.

I know that sounds oversimplified, but it really does sun things up. Only others on the LGBT spectrum can comprehend the existential anxiety of constantly ensuring you’re not “found out,” by friends/family/peers/coworkers etc and the enormous amount of life draining energy that goes into it. Once that builds to a certain point where it’s no longer bearable, thaaaat’s probably a good time to think about your own coming out process for your own mental health and well being - so you can just exist w/o worry.

For me, hanging out with a gay friend and his also gay brother with their family was enough for me to see how different things could be by being “comfortably out.” My anxiety levels about it were through the roof and I had no real choice but to do it or go completely nuts. So, I did it, and then like the cliche ad campaign says… It gets better.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

More than just Western cultures acknowledge Trans peoples' existence. Indigenous & West African cultures all had/have more than 2 gender identities. The gender binary, on the other hand, IS a mostly Western Colonial concept.

Kind of depends where your coworkers are from and what their cultural understandings are. In general, though, respect and decency are universal human traits.. and if you clarify your name/pronoun preferences, anyone with either will make an effort to adjust their speech to accommodate you. Those who intentionally deadname you or otherwise cause problems will simply show their true colours as nasty people. Chances are MOST people will accept it, and IF there are some that resist change, the rest will call them out for it. I bet you'd be pleasantly surprised at how well people will receive, process, and act on information like this.

Even if they're not fluent in English chances are they understand the concept of gender identities/LGBT people - they may or may not have direct experience.. but chances are it's not brand new information to them that you exist.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I would still say it’s risky revealing you are trans to people you don’t know well.

Please don’t get skinny again. Don’t lower your food intake.

Easier said than done. I wish I could tempt you with a juicy steak and buttered baked potatoes.

Trans people are like autistics in the sense that not two are exactly alike. Some are super out there trans activists who would gladly remind people that they're trans if they F up on pronouns, others pass so very well and never ever want it to be known by people around them that they're trans for a variety of reasons ranging from anxiety to just wanting to live their lives in peace like everyone else. So there's no right or wrong answer.

I have several trans friends/acquaintances/fwb's, and they're all different - or different depending on the setting and situation, who's around etc. Even those that are very confident and Okay with their trans selves are typically reluctant to out themselves as trans to new people, which is understandable.. considering concerns about how people may react to that, and the unfortunate reality that many people react negatively. Definitely a tough position to be in, for sure. I certainly don't envy you or any of my trans friends for that.

Is it possible for you to simply be assertive about your pronouns w/o revealing that you're trans? If you're FTM masc presenting and many/most people don't have issues referring to you as a guy, maaaaybe if you correct those that refer to you as female they'll just correct their words.. and/or maybe be embarrassed for misgendering you. Maybe they won't even realize you're trans and just think they f****d up by thinking you were a girl ? I have no idea what your appearance is like.. but maybe. Maybe they'll just be like "Oh s**t, totally thought he was a she.. my bad." Maybe there's a way to communicate your pronoun preferences like that without explicitly stating that you're trans ? They could be just left wondering - and that's fine; who cares? You don't owe them an explanation. If they're nice respectful people, they'll simply respect the fact that you go by masculine pronouns and that's that vs. rudely inquire about it. Maybe tactfully asserting what your pronouns are will get you the results you want And reduce your anxiety/stress over it all.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.