Relationships with men folk for those attracted to men

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Thanks Mona, we have the same definition of thrill, I should have explained it more throughly.

Thank you again, Mona. There are a few different reasons for me not to get another dog and I won't infodump. With respect to love connection, in the past, when I had a pet, I wasn't as open to finding a relationship. I had a ton of companionship as a pack of two with one velcro'd to me. I think I'm fairly in tune with my self and have my reasons. You are correct, my great danes were chick magnets and I'm more of a rescue kinda guy, big dog terrible twos can be expensive. I also don't won't to eliminate any cat women, that's cutting the field almost in half.

Fitting in with a person can be accomplished quickly in my processing, it might be a guy thing. By the third date, which is about the same time frame for sex if you are using a timetable, I should know if there is a fit or not. I didn't write about this previously as I just assumed that was one of the prerequisites. The rules are the guy has to make the first effort, so I've already put in some thought....hopefully.

Sharon B, It took some time but I understand your point about narrowing the focus. I wouldn't be lowering my standards as I have the trust issue, I would be accepting reality and focussing on how to cope with it. This is an important realization for me, thank you.

It took me a while to realize that men want sex. Seriously I thought they just wanted to be friends. But then why would they pay for my dinner? I was rather upset when a boyfriend wanted to grope. I thought he was different from the bad guys. When I told my girl friends they just laughed at me.

I got quite used to being with guys and have been married for 23 years, but never got used to the fact that they're sexual. I enjoy sex and consider myself attractive. I can't explain why it bothers me. I guess it's like making a new friend only to realize that they want to sell you stuff, or your lovely old neighbor wanting to convert you to their religion. I'm suspicious of people who have other motives than just enjoy being with me. Maybe the autism is making me suspect everyone's intentions because I can't read them. It's a bit sad to realize that you're only worth the work you can do, the help you offer to others and your sex appeal. Every relationship is a trade. Pure love does not exist.

If you find a mate and the thrill of the sex wears off , love matures to a more friendly state of being. With men whom are actually looking for a life mate . There exist men you can be friends with but often. You may have known them a very long time before spending time alone with you. And this not a guarantee by any means , men do like to think of themselves as sexual beings in some capacity also. Have found very few males that are able to conceptualize. a friendship type platonic relationship with a woman.
As time has passed found myself dressing down to hopefully find a male more apt towards friendship .

I've had a strange relationship with men in general.

Until I was 8 I got on better with boys as I enjoyed videogames and dinosaurs, but still preferred to be alone.

Then from 8-18 I was in an all girls school and didn't mix with boys much at all. I was too awkward for discos. I had one close female friend who also liked gaming and then she left I had no close friends at all until uni.

I did a degree in kids nursing and again I rarely interacted with men outside patients/staff. I did go out and party because I had booze to loosen up, actual friends and had men attracted to me. I decided to try dating with one guy in engineering but I was trying to be 'nice' and realised I was being fake and that's what he liked and it felt unfair.

I had another attempt with a guy in medschool where I was my usual aloof self but would get annoyed when he kept wanting to be with me and would make excuses. I was also pretty miserable with my course so that affected things.

I met one guy travelling who I got on very well with (I strongly suspect he was autistic too) and he was very attractive. We had to leave as our visas ran out after a few months together and we live on opposite sides of the planet. And there was an unfortunate age gap between us I was always uncomfortable with (I was 25 he was 19).

Now I work in a factory with mostly men and it's ok. Some are a bit overly friendly and I'm always suspicious as to why. I've no desire to try dating and have turned men down.

I'm comfortable on my own and have no real desire for a man unless he's perfect for me, and I'm aware it's very unlikely I'll ever find one.

Also during lockdown I stumbled across the world of incels and the manosphere, with men talking about only really wanting women who are 18-25 who are subservient and always 'sweet'. I know these guys don't speak for all men, but I was surprised by the amount of them and if that is what a lot of men really want, I'm even happier with my decision to be alone.

I'm not sure how much autism comes into play. I need a lot of alone time, in an ideal set up my partner and I would have separate living spaces. I hate people telling me what to do and I'm not good at emotional support, like I try, but it feels forced and insincere. My eating and sleeping habits are pretty weird too, so it'd be difficult to live with me. Also my libido is quite low and I know that's something men find very important.