Why ain't my cousin on the spectrum?

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, I think a lot of people (including myself) with ASD find it easier to write or type than to be verbally assertive. I also have a lot of frustration inside of me so I tread very carefully on WP, especially in The Haven as I don't want to piss anyone off as this is a nice friendly site.

Sorry about that.



Sounds to me like it'd be because offline, you get signals from body language and tones of voice and such things, but online, you don't. It sounds like you rely so much on body language that an interaction that doesn't have it throws you off... almost like an NT.

The other option is that while online, you relax and don't keep your guard up, but offline it is up and you hold your tongue unconsciously by instinct due to getting burnt too many times. So maybe offline, your guard goes up automatically without you having to think about it, and that's why it feels easier.

...Am I making sense?

Yes, that's exactly it.
Unlike most spectrumers I look at the world illogically and emotionally. I've actually mentioned this in another thread, where I don't look at social interaction like a textbook and abide strictly to it like it's a script. I go by the context of the situation, the emotional signals, their perspective, etc.

I still have social awkwardness but for different reasons such as impulsivity, poor memory, social anxiety and oversensitivity to rejection, criticism and emotions. I suck at making friends unless they're non-NT or overly empathetic NTs more open-mindedness and loyalty.

But is this learned behavior that requires thinking as you socialize, or do you socialize by instinct? 'Cause aspies can learn to socialize and read the air, it just doesn't come as naturally as it does to NTs and takes more effort... but if you have never put any conscious effort on learning how to read the air yet can still more or less do it, then... have you ever considered the possibility that you were misdiagnosed as a child? That you don't have and never had asperger's in the first place and your troubles and differences were ADHD all along? If you weren't the kind of stereotypical wild child who couldn't sit still for longer than a minute that ADHD -people are often thought to be like, then could it be possible that it was the reason why you ended up with Asperger -diagnosis instead? I mean, from what I've understood, lots of ADHD and Asperger traits overlap, so doctors confusing one with the other shouldn't be all that far fetched... I think?

Not that I'm trying to dismiss a professional's work and don't mean to dismiss your experience or identity, but I think that, since being on the autism spectrum bothers you and you, from what I've understood, don't really identify with it, then maybe you should take the possibility of having been misdiagnosed up with a professional?

I don't think I missed social cues as a child, I just wasn't sure how to react to some and I was impulsive. For example I wasn't blissfully unaware that someone didn't want to be my friend but I still stuck with them because I liked them and wanted to play/hang out with them. Social interaction was easy when I was a child, I was shy in class but I didn't find recess hard, and I remember communicating well and playing with other children without any difficulty. But friendships got harder as I got older and I got rejected by my peers more, probably because I wasn't into the same things other teenage girls were, and I sometimes wasn't on their wavelength, but that doesn't mean I didn't understand social cues. I think if other girls gave me a chance though I probably would have succeeded, but they just saw me as annoying and "ret*d" and cared about me so little that I wasn't even worth bullying. (LOL?)
But I got bullied by kids I didnt know, which might be why I feel more socially anxious around strangers now.

The assessor who assessed my ADHD said they still feel I have ASD ( ) because of my anxiety. It seems that Asperger's is basically another word for anxiety.

Asperger's is not another word for anxiety.

If you haven't read this book yet, give it a read. You'll have a much better understanding of what Asperger's actually encompasses as well as a much more solid idea as to whether you yourself are on the spectrum.

https://a.co/d/bN3CEpP

I've heard it's common for people on the spectrum for life to get harder once one hits puberty. Something about other kids starting to be more aware of social rules and thus shunning the ones who're weird one way or the other.

Hmm, maybe the difference is that you're more social and extroverted than most aspies, or at least most that I know, which has gotten you in to more social situations than an average aspie and has caused you to have more interest in them, resulting in better social skills than people on the spectrum usually have? Just a guess of course.

For me, it was much more difficult for me as a child. As I got older, people became less critical of me. My childhood was mostly unhappy, and I was scared all the time. I couldn’t wait to reach 18 and be able to get away from my mother.

I guess it’s because I learned, as I got older, to either mask or seem more confident in my eccentric ways.

Makes sense. There's a lot more forced & expected socialization in the public school system than there is in adult life where people can opt to have very few social connections if that's their bag.

For me, it was absolute worst in my late 20's as that's when my digestive health was at an all time low and my AS symptoms were going completely haywire.

I most definitely had symptoms and traits all throughout childhood, but with a twin brother and 2 other siblings I was never left out solo like an only child might be, so I never lacked friends to play with etc and these things weren't quite as apparent as they may be for an only child. I suppose I also masked fairly well, too. But my childhood wasn't without it's aspie bumps in the road, that's for sure - hindsight being 20/20 and all.

I also have horrible memories of early adolescence when I spent some days in the school holidays crying at my mum's feet because I didn't have a friend to play/hang out with and all my cousins were out with their friends. My mum would sometimes phone my aunts and uncles to see if their children (same-age cousins) were about, and each time she couldn't get hold of them I would cry or scream even more, and I think it broke my mum's heart to see her own child lonely and in distress, curled up on the floor wailing "why don't I have any friends? I'm so worthless! Nobody likes me! Why am I even here? I want to die!" No parent wants to see their child like that. And I know for sure that that wouldn't have happened if I were NT like the rest of my cousins and classmates.

Last bumped by Joe90 on 10 Jan 2023, 7:50 pm.