NB AFAB HSers bullying "girly girls"?

Post Reply New Topic

There was a news story today about a 14 year old girl who committed suicide after being bullied. Because teenagers were involved, there's a dearth of detail, however my impression is that the situation could have been characterized as per my subject line. I know of a 13-year-old girl from a conservative Catholic family in Spain who experienced a similar situation at a summer camp in the US. Her 2 older sisters attended the same camp and experienced nothing of the sort, so I would think this a recent development if it's a thing at all.

* While I was writing this you seem to have added "Non-Binary" to the mix. I didn't see that before but either way I think my response is still relevant.


---


Oh hell yeah, it happens.

Unfortunately I've seen it all my life. "Girly girls" are called "priss", "Miss Priss" "prima donna", "martyr", "puritan", "holier than thou", "prig", "prude", "frigid", and "goody-two-shoes". Those are just off the top of my head and I'm sure there are more slang words in today's common vernacular.

Ever seen Grease and the way they bully Sandy when she wears dresses and looks feminine? They say it's because she's a virgin, but is that any better?

When I was around 10 there was a girl in my class named Cathy. Her dad was the Mayor, or held some kind of important leadership position in local government. Cathy's family was conservative to begin with, but because of her dad's job in the public eye she was sent to school in pretty dresses every day. This was the late 1970s and other girls were in skin-tight jeans and rock star tshirts. Cathy was ostracized and teased mercilessly by the other girls. On class photo day girls pushed each other off the risers arguing about who would have to stand beside her.

We struck up a friendship since she walked home the same direction I did. I hate to admit this but I was scared to be seen with her in case people would pick on me for being her friend. I used to hide behind a big pine tree off school property and wait for her to pass by. Then I would just "casually" start walking alongside her like it was a coincidence. She was a really nice kid and I wish we stayed in touch. I know she ended up becoming a veterinarian and having a business on several acres of land with her husband and sons.

My daughter was always very girly too. She went to private arts schools for middle school and high school. I remember dropping her off the first day and she didn't know anyone because it wasn't our normal / local school. The other girls were all in their goth-artsy-looking rocker clothes and there she was dressed and coiffed like a young Kate Middleton, very poised and feminine, looking like she'd stepped out of a fairytale. I won't get into detail on her school experience as an artist but let's just say it didn't go well socially. The boys loved her but the girls treated her as a pariah. She was ostracized and humiliated for her appearance and interests being too girly, even from girls who had once been her best friends. That was even harder for her because she later came out as being gay, but didn't get those opportunities to have strong relationships with the other girls in high school without being patronised.

Bullying by Girls is insidious and much more subversive than bullying by guys. The peer pressure, exclusion, gossip, jealousy, mockery, cyberbullying, and backstabbing behaviour that comes from being rejected by other girls explains why many girls and women develop depression, anxiety, social phobias, and eating disorders. If they happen to be autistic or neurodivergent it's even harder for them to be accepted. Many young girls and women engage in risky behaviour for the approval of their friends (e.g., Grease - Sandy), and sadly, many take their lives because they don't fit in. That's not just the "girly girls" but any group of girls who is rejected by their peers.

Rest in peace to the 14 year old. Her family must be devastated.

I just noticed it says HSers in the title.

I don't know what a HSer is, apart from high schooler?
Is there an angle I'm missing?

If it means Home Schooler - Then wow, yes, I can imagine that involves a lot of cyberbullying or bias against a person's photos for being too prim. There's likely a lot of photoshopping and horrible things happening behind the scenes even if the feminine-girl is popular. I don't want to get into stereotypes by saying the feminine-girl is a virgin and doesn't have boyfriends or sex, but that could be part of it. If she does they'd hate her more. If she doesn't, she's an outcast. She's probably also accused of being "non-PC" or a bigot or something, whether or not she espouses such views.

The world has gone mad.

Sorry if I'm guessing wrong about HSers. I have no idea what that means.

It seems you can't really win with high school. People are picked on for being girly, others (like I was) are picked on for being tomboyish. The mention of Photoshop certainly brings up some unfortunate memories. I remember a rather ugly photo of me being shared around which gained around 200 likes and plenty of comments. People did eventually move on but it wasn't great at the time. *Cringes*

The bullying I experienced from girls tended to be psychological, whereas when I was bullied by guys it was usually physical attacks. However, I do remember walking out of a toilet stall to see two girls getting incredibly violent with each other one time. So, it's not always psychological. That fight ended up in a suspension. Thankfully I just washed my hands quickly and sped out of there, so I didn't get dragged into it.