Symtoms of depression is a description of my personality

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First of all, sorry for my bad english (not my first language).

I've recently begun thinking about this. Don't know why it has'nt occured to me earlier in my life. But the common symtoms of depression you can read about, like: feeling hoplessness, feeling pessimistic, low energy/tired, feelings of worthlessness, troubles with thinking/concentration, thinking alot about death and so on is a description of my personality. I've been this way for as long as I can remember (probably 4 years old or something like that).

I've been diagnosed with clinical depression/relapsing depression a number of times in my adult life. (I have not had an evaluation for autism/adhd). Those times I have been really feeling low and sought out help, but the symtoms have never gone away, I've just felt a little bit less bad for a period of time.

I don't know what I want with this post, maybe just share my thoughts cause there is noone to share them with in real life.

Maybe your antidepressants are starting to wear off -- it's happened to my family members.

From mayoclinic:

You may have Persistent Depressive Disorder, what we used to call dysthemic disorder. It is a low grade chronic depression. I have been diagnosed with it myself. I have many of the feelings you do as well. I don't have the lack of motivation, except when I get really depressed.

I have summer seasonal depression (R-SAD, reverse seasonal affective disorder)

Sometimes depression symtoms are related to a person's life situation like growing up poor or being disabled in an area where most people treat the poor & disabled like the dirt they walk on or someone growing up & still living with an abusive family. I'm not sure if that's the case with you or not but if it is it might help to focus on improving your life in ways you reasonably can.