Getting NTs to like me

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FrostBender
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24 May 2024, 6:32 pm

Is it possible to get NTs to like me if I copy them?

Edna3362
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24 May 2024, 7:15 pm

If you know what you're doing, yes.
If not -- it can annoy them, creep them out or make a clown out of you.

Just observe, take the best traits you're able to emulate.
It doesn't had to go all at once; pick one and master it, then pick another and master it...

It doesn't had to be 1:1 copying -- and it doesn't had to focus only at the subject you're copying; you had to observe what's around the subject too beyond it's mannerisms and fashion...

Know and observe the current culture, figure the contexts, and the dynamics -- it's around time, place, and situation...
If it can be set up, or if it's preestablished, or something one can conjure on sheer vibe.

The contexts around the subject and the subject's interactions; which is tricky to learn as an autistic -- on top of one's sensory interferences, cognitive profiles and other possible complications that can even make mindless copying harder.

Without learning that, it is how 1:1 copying someone who did the cool thing can or will fail; which made awkward at best, offending and may lead to violence at worst.

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Last edited by Edna3362 on 24 May 2024, 7:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

funeralxempire
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24 May 2024, 7:16 pm

I'm not sure you need to copy them, and depending on how closely you copy them they might think you're mocking them.

What Edna said. Same basic idea, but she included more worthwhile detail.

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FrostBender
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24 May 2024, 7:18 pm

I’d like to eventually date an NT girl as well. That way I could be included with social stuff.

funeralxempire
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24 May 2024, 7:31 pm

FrostBender wrote:

I’d like to eventually date an NT girl as well. That way I could be included with social stuff.

That's often a fringe benefit of dating NTs, but make sure if you're in that situation that your partner isn't doing all the heavy lifting, so to speak.

a) it's not fair to her;
b) when she's gone you're going to be a whole lot lonelier if you only have friends through your partner

FrostBender
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24 May 2024, 7:59 pm

Plus it would be nice to go out drinking with NTs on the weekends, vs being stuck in my parents house because my dumb autistic ass doesn’t know how to socialize

funeralxempire
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24 May 2024, 8:18 pm

FrostBender wrote:

Plus it would be nice to go out drinking with NTs on the weekends, vs being stuck in my parents house because my dumb autistic ass doesn’t know how to socialize

For practice socializing you don't even need the people you're with to be NT, just so long as they've been socialized somewhat.

FrostBender
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24 May 2024, 8:21 pm

I don't want to hang out with other NDs because it's a reminder that I can't be NT.

funeralxempire
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24 May 2024, 8:26 pm

FrostBender wrote:

I don't want to hang out with other NDs because it's a reminder that I can't be NT.

Even if they're more understanding of your concerns, more capable of spotting faux-pas you might make before they've become a faux-pas (due to experience) and better at socializing than you currently are?

You can't be an NT no matter who you hang out with, so getting over it will almost certainly make your life easier and more fulfilling.

But also, if the supposedly NT friend you had admitted to having autism would you stop being friends or just try to learn from them to the best of your abilities?

FrostBender
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24 May 2024, 8:38 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

FrostBender wrote:

I don't want to hang out with other NDs because it's a reminder that I can't be NT.

You can't be an NT no matter who you hang out with, so getting over it will almost certainly make your life easier and more fulfilling.

I'll probably never get over it. Since I can't be an NT, I just want to act like one, even if I have to spend the rest of my life doing so.

FrostBender
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24 May 2024, 8:39 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

FrostBender wrote:

I don't want to hang out with other NDs because it's a reminder that I can't be NT.

But also, if the supposedly NT friend you had admitted to having autism would you stop being friends or just try to learn from them to the best of your abilities?

I would stop being friends and use those skills to talk to NTs.

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24 May 2024, 9:11 pm

FrostBender wrote:

I'll probably never get over it. Since I can't be an NT, I just want to act like one, even if I have to spend the rest of my life doing so.

You literally have no other choice but to get over it, unless wallowing in self-loathing is preferable.

FrostBender wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

FrostBender wrote:

I don't want to hang out with other NDs because it's a reminder that I can't be NT.

But also, if the supposedly NT friend you had admitted to having autism would you stop being friends or just try to learn from them to the best of your abilities?

I would stop being friends and use those skills to talk to NTs.

With that in mind, why would NTs be willing to accept you (an autistic person) when you're unwilling to accept autistic people?

But beyond that, an autistic person who's better at socializing than you are has at least as much to teach you an any NT ever could when it comes to socializing. Not to mention, beggers can't be choosers and not to put it too harshly, but right now you're a begger when it comes to having others in your life. Dismissing other NDs out of hand is just limiting your opportunities when you admittedly have very few opportunities.

FrostBender
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24 May 2024, 9:20 pm

Quote:

With that in mind, why would NTs be willing to accept you (an autistic person) when you're unwilling to accept autistic people?

I figured if I can hide the autism, the NTs would think i'm one of them

funeralxempire
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24 May 2024, 9:27 pm

FrostBender wrote:

Quote:

With that in mind, why would NTs be willing to accept you (an autistic person) when you're unwilling to accept autistic people?

I figured if I can hide the autism, the NTs would think i'm one of them

This usually isn't a very effective strategy because most autistics tend to come off as odd or eccentric whether or not they've disclosed an diagnosis. It can also be quite exhausting.

I think all-in-all, getting help for some of your attitudes towards your own autism would be beneficial, both for how you feel about autism/other autistics, but also because becoming less self-loathing will likely improve how you socialize.

I'm also curious how you'd respond to finding out that your otherwise NT friend group includes (or has started to include) another autistic person.

Edna3362
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25 May 2024, 8:11 am

FrostBender wrote:

Quote:

With that in mind, why would NTs be willing to accept you (an autistic person) when you're unwilling to accept autistic people?

I figured if I can hide the autism, the NTs would think i'm one of them

Unless you started, like, 5 years old or something one can actually get away with mindless mimicking -- like stereotypically female autistics did... Better or easier if your environment is with a more constant populace; which meant pre-established personal histories.

Also no, you don't need ABA for this to happen. :roll:

These are self imposed due to their defense mechanism reactions of their environment.

Many do not start masking at teenage years, they start at middle school, elementary or younger; let alone adulthood after a long period of 'staying at home, being a lazy autistic arse'.
But one cannot exactly fault someone for not choosing to start earlier. Some 'realized' things a little too late. By realized; it can range from loneliness, fear, or in your case -- envy.

Conversely, if you didn't -- this may mean your reputation as that one weird dude. People WILL notice you are 'trying' if you have a reputation.
The best case scenario is they will actively help you -- Worst case scenario? They'd see it as an opportunity manipulate you in the delusional lie that you're accepted by them.

Or, actually pass yourself as one of those foreigners who 'did not know any better' and 'cannot acclimate' -- one would need decades worth of practice and sacrifice.
Better if you're new.

Else; the closest thing you'll ever get is this awkward nerdy introvert with a hobby all for the sake of passing for 'NT'; avoidant and low key; not necessarily a known popular choice.

But sure. Continue your acting courses; it will help -- but to a point.
There's the stage complete with scripts and all that, and then there's the real life where everything could be fair play in that stupid game.

That can also take psychology courses, some historical and social sciences related to the past's present impact... And it's application and mindset.

But if you're also, like, moderately dyspraxic, constantly unable to stop stimming or distracted by any sensory issues; you got little to no chance with the path of your choice.

It's entirely possible to not pass at NT and still be popular with the NTs. :roll:

But that ain't your path of choice.

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25 May 2024, 12:03 pm

Unless you can be yourself with the people you socialize with you will get nothing out of it. You will be like an actor in a party scene in a theatre play. You will not have the experience of being at a party. If you can get NT:s think that you are one of them by acting NT it would be like you being gay but making straight people think you are one of them. Then maybe you are getting laid with a bunch of women. But what would you as a gay benefit from that?

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