Childhood to young adulthood

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As the demands/expectations of life increased, my ability to cope with them decreased.

It's hard innit mate

For me - yes. I'm a good father/grandfather/great grandfather. Apart from that, a failure.

As the demands/expectations of life increased, my ability to cope with them decreased.
For me - yes. I'm a good father/grandfather/great grandfather. Apart from that, a failure.

Whose expectations. It seems to me you have succeeded at what is most important.

Being in my early teens was the hardest time of my life. I suddenly fell behind my peers socially, emotionally, and even intellectually. I didn't even know who I was, it was like normal teenage awkwardness on steroids.

But around age 20 was also a hard time of my life. While I'd lost that teenage awkwardness, mental health issues set in, and I resented myself because I was a shut-in and wasn't out clubbing like all my peers were. I felt I should have been, even though I didn't really want to, but I felt socially guilty for not doing so. And I was really shy, when I did enter a pub I wasn't sure what to do or how to be. I was frightened to have a drop of alcohol in case it made me feel sick or something, so I just sipped on a coke and kept checking my face in my pocket mirror because I felt so self-conscious. I was like a fish out of water and I felt other young people in there were picking up on my nervousness.

Now I'm in my 30s, many NT people my age aren't bothered about going out clubbing any more and even admit that they'd rather be in bed on a Saturday night. So I don't feel so guilty that I'm not out clubbing. I can finally be myself and not feel guilty about it. I do like being in my 30s, if I'm honest.

That hadn't been the case with me.

My life's (everything around me in general, really) did not change much. It even became easier, supposedly.

But this human demands did -- physical, mental, emotional, along with an ongoing hypersensitized crap that never got better overtime but gotten worse and just piles up more unwanted crap.

And autism cannot explain it. Not even burnouts. I swear I was sick. Because autism isn't some active degenerative crap.
Turns the things I blamed out to be true, and people around me are just ignoring it or blame autism for it.

Then I got better. Because the cause of hypersensitized crap is mostly gone. Because I got lucky.

My life and it's demands never went anywhere still. But I'm planning to change that soon.

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It's said to be tough for everybody, because it's a time when you go through a lot of changes, and some of them are painful and confusing. I certainly went through some trouble, but once I was about 18 I was feeling great.

Thank you all for replying. I don't know whether this applied to the rest of you, I was young for my age when it came to doing things without parental support.

I was capable of doing practically anything for myself, but I still often liked my mother to come with me to appointments and things, just for moral support and company. I felt safe too being with my mother, or anyone I trusted for that matter. But if there was a time when my mother wasn't available to come with me then I did go on my own.

My anxiety is my main downfall. I worry constantly about things and feel vulnerable, like I'm a target for murderers or something. I'm quite agoraphobic, though not completely, but even now I tend to avoid going out alone unless I really have to, which I can do.

Security has become a HUGE priority for me. I can get through just about anything life throws at me, as long as I have the security of my home and precious belongings around me, and my family and my pets of course. But when I lost my mother I don't think I would have coped if I didn't have the safe comforts of my home and my partner and my pets and my hobbies. It's why I often take to my bed, even during the day if I'm not at work, because it feels safe there. Safety is just so important to me, which is why I'm terrified of conservative governments in case they take my security away from me and force me out on to the streets just because I can't do much beyond part-time cleaning jobs (which I find challenging if I'm under too much pressure and can have panic attacks in the workplace, leading to some embarrassing situations). So while I am high-functioning, if it ever comes to my security being stripped from me (like being made homeless for reasons that aren't my fault) then that would be the only time I will be a vulnerable adult and would be unable to cope emotionally. If I was ever out on the streets or shoved into one of those homeless shelters all because my wages can't pay my rent, I'd be like a frightened rabbit, absolutely terrified and just completely traumatized. It'd be very cruel for the government to put me in that situation. Please, everyone, vote labour next time we have an election, if you want to keep your rights as humans and your homes if you're not stinking rich.

I hate "adulting" sometimes...