Worried I've lost my aspie friend and he's being manipulated

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Context: L *Name withheld for privacy* is a man I've known for 15 years, starting as my high school English teacher. In high school our relationship wasn't anything to comment on, except for 1 time I was really upset (home was abusive, never knew my dad and didn't fit in at school). He talked to me that day: told me he is autistic, misunderstood and lonely himself for much of his life. He told me all of this, and showed me a website he used that helped called WrongPlanet. Really made me feel understood and less alone. He rarely opens up to anyone because of his past experiences.

After my graduation, I emailed L and another teacher that I got accepted into university. L asked me to keep in touch, so for the next 10 years, we did. Never saw each other, but occasional emails. Then, in an unexpected development, I started teaching alongside L in the very school I'd attended and he still worked. Well. It was a hostile workplace but he was so amazing. He mentored me, protected me from others, shared resources, and eventually found another job for me and encouraged me to take it. He even referenced for me, saying, he'd be happy if I stayed but this was best for me. I moved on, but we stayed friends. We'd hang out with his wife and my bf now husband.

L taught me how to make gravy and play cards, and still supported my career with advice and resources. Really like the dad I never had. When husband and I got engaged, I asked L to walk me down the aisle - well. He cried, saying he'd envisaged and even dreamed of it, but hadn't meant to tell me as he didn't want to impose. He cried with happiness and held my hand despite his aversion to touch.

Wedding was 2 months ago and L was there and everything I could have asked for. He gave us a very generous gift, signed the guestbook saying he was looking forward to more games *quite expressive for him as emotional displays aren't his thing*. Since then, he's disappeared after one final and strange interaction. *included below*

He wrote [I quote] "card night has become a bit of a diplomatic issue." (Read this as his interfering wife doesn't want to have play cards) and followed that with, "I'd love to catch up with you in person. Let's see if we can find a time." Since then - nothing. I replied with times, nothing. I wrote saying I was concerned there's something wrong, could we call to talk? Nothing.

It is SO strange and uncharacteristic and it's killing me. L has no kids and we had truly become like family to each other and I just know this isn't because he's had a change of heart. I hope since he at least mentioned hanging out in the same breath as the issue with cards, she hasn't barred him from seeing/talking to me [also, our catch ups aren't limited to card games. Sometimes we just have coffee and chat. Hoping this can continue even if cards are now out.] I know there could be lots of reasons too. I don't expect anyone to be able to predict, hell it's so strange, but does it seem that he's disappeared forever, just like that? (I've decided to give it 3 months of space. Currently 1 month in. Will message him for his birthday though.)

I see 2 likely possibilities here: (1) his wife is interfering, due to an unprecedented bout of jealousy, or (2) he is unable to contact you due to physical illness or injury. Are you aware of any evidence that he is even still alive?

Have you ever attempted to become friends with his wife?

I would suggest that you try to contact his wife to ask if he is okay. Her response, if any, will likely give you at least a clue as to what the problem is.

(3) he told her he had feeling for you

anyways controlling relationships are messed up

Many married women can be very insecure in their marriages . And if your younger and appear the least bit presentable
Or not sometimes . The wife of L might be percieving you as a threat. And there are a great amount of women with certain personality characteristics . That fear anything that seems to be remotely like possible competition, especially if your repoire with him was good . Often as relationships mature , seems more typical for NT women , theirs might be growing pains in their own relationships. And the odd disagreement can be a regular thing. Often no two people think alike . And if he is a Aspie or Asperger's, his loyalty might be absolutely devoted to his wife? And as Aspie men usually seem to be hard pressed for partners. He maybe easily and willingly manipulated. But you might never know.?

Once had a man I knew from my last year of High school, who got married and moved to a foriegn country .. And , he was occupied with life . We lost touch . Then one day a email out of the blue showed up asking if,I was the same person.That he described some experiences we had together , it was over 15 years , that he had been trying to find and reconnect with me . He moved back here , his wife had passed on and his children had gotten lives of their own. We still stay in touch. And the relationship had always just been one of good friendship. We had much history long before , he move away and gotten married.But is was extremely heartwarming to reconnect after so long a time.
Still stays in touch, just not as much as before .