Why won't people just admit it?

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nick007
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04 Jun 2025, 2:26 pm

Coilette_91 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Some chronically single whiners do complain about no one being interested in them & they'll let it slip that they've rejected others for superficial reasons like not being pretty enough or not earning enough. I do agree that it's very important to have some standards in a potential partner but if those single people were really as lonely as they claim they would be willing to reevaluate their standards & make some compromises. When this gets pointed out to them they go into a rant about how they did not chose to have disabilities or to have the various problems they have in life so they should be expected to have to settle. Why would anyone settle or compromise to be in a relationship with them when they are too hypocritical to consider doing the same :shrug:


Thank you! This is what I was talking about. And at one point in time that was me, and I did reevaluate my standards and compromise. It's a learning experience. I don't want anyone here to take this as a personal jab, it's just food for thought. Something to consider. Because I had to admit it to myself too.
On the flipside there are some people who have very reasonable if not very low standards but still majorly struggle to get a relationship. I was one of them. I was single & looking for 8 years straight after my first relationship ended. The main standard I had was a woman with no kids who wasn't really older than me. I seriously contemplated having a gay relationship at various times because gay guys were coming on to me & I majorly HATED being single. I readily admit that I complained about being single alot but seeing/hearing others complain about it who had some seemingly decent opportunities really irritated me after a while, especially when it was from women who rejected the idea of getting in a relationship with me but kept turning to me to complain about being single. I woulda felt differently if the women rejected me because they didn't want to do a long distance thing or if their living situation woulda prevented us from moving in together for a long time since I was living with my parents but those weren't the reasons.


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Coilette_91
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04 Jun 2025, 2:58 pm

nick007 wrote:
Coilette_91 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Some chronically single whiners do complain about no one being interested in them & they'll let it slip that they've rejected others for superficial reasons like not being pretty enough or not earning enough. I do agree that it's very important to have some standards in a potential partner but if those single people were really as lonely as they claim they would be willing to reevaluate their standards & make some compromises. When this gets pointed out to them they go into a rant about how they did not chose to have disabilities or to have the various problems they have in life so they should be expected to have to settle. Why would anyone settle or compromise to be in a relationship with them when they are too hypocritical to consider doing the same :shrug:


Thank you! This is what I was talking about. And at one point in time that was me, and I did reevaluate my standards and compromise. It's a learning experience. I don't want anyone here to take this as a personal jab, it's just food for thought. Something to consider. Because I had to admit it to myself too.
On the flipside there are some people who have very reasonable if not very low standards but still majorly struggle to get a relationship. I was one of them. I was single & looking for 8 years straight after my first relationship ended. The main standard I had was a woman with no kids who wasn't really older than me. I seriously contemplated having a gay relationship at various times because gay guys were coming on to me & I majorly HATED being single. I readily admit that I complained about being single alot but seeing/hearing others complain about it who had some seemingly decent opportunities really irritated me after a while, especially when it was from women who rejected the idea of getting in a relationship with me but kept turning to me to complain about being single. I woulda felt differently if the women rejected me because they didn't want to do a long distance thing or if their living situation woulda prevented us from moving in together for a long time since I was living with my parents but those weren't the reasons.


And your situation is completely understandable. My chronic singleness had been mostly due to religious beliefs, otherwise I would've been with someone already. But I wanted to express what I said in this post because it is irritating to hear people complain about, especially complaining to someone else that's chronically single. I personally think it'd be a good idea to really assess their decisions before coming to the conclusion that they're unwanted.



ChicagoLiz
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04 Jun 2025, 5:13 pm

Tamaya wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Some chronically single whiners do complain about no one being interested in them & they'll let it slip that they've rejected others for superficial reasons like not being pretty enough or not earning enough. I do agree that it's very important to have some standards in a potential partner but if those single people were really as lonely as they claim they would be willing to reevaluate their standards & make some compromises. When this gets pointed out to them they go into a rant about how they did not chose to have disabilities or to have the various problems they have in life so they should be expected to have to compromise. Why would anyone settle or compromise to be in a relationship with them they they are too hypocritical to consider doing the same :shrug:


Oh right, I see what you mean.


Yeah, me too. That totally makes sense.


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techstepgenr8tion
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Yesterday, 12:36 pm

This is an incredibly hard part of it all, not only getting rejected by the single person saying that but also being the single person who either says that or at least thinks it without saying and has to reject and stay single because they can't find anyone where things feel 'right' with.

Especially if you have a rare or unusual personality trying to find compatibility is hard. If you just go for whatever's 'hawt' you'll either have a short-term WFB situation or you'll have a situation where you're with someone whose not okay with you as you are and being in a long-term relationship with them will be a bigger tax than your loneliness (the sex, if there is any, won't make up the difference).

A lot of the guys passing as MGTOW these days are guys who look at this, look at the choice between being single or being constantly nagged and controlled because the only way you're allowed to find a partner is by approaching based on looks rather than being allowed to sus out personality, values similarities, etc.. I think a lot of them realize that they're too low in (external measure) sexual marketplace value to find someone who'd be good for them, or at least not without trying it with like 200 to 300 people over the course of a decade or more - which in and of itself is a process that tends to poison people and maybe half of those dates even happen because they do meet the right person but by 100 people in they're jaded enough that they didn't believe what they were seeing. There's also the principle of least charity floating around as well where if anything can be interpreted negatively then the most negative interpretation is the correct one, that makes dating a lot like stubbing your toes constantly or like voluntarily putting your identity out there for attack.


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nick007
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Yesterday, 1:13 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
This is an incredibly hard part of it all, not only getting rejected by the single person saying that but also being the single person who either says that or at least thinks it without saying and has to reject and stay single because they can't find anyone where things feel 'right' with.
That's true. Lots of people do base relationships on things like chemistry & sparks. I don't understand how anyone could have chemistry with someone they just met & know nothing about :scratch: When I was seeking relationships I became interested in most any single woman who seemed like she was nice towards me. I ultimately mostly wanted a woman who would give me a real chance & would be willing to try to comprmise to meet me half-way with things & I'd do the same for her. I NEVER expected to have a seemingly perfect relationship where everything comes together & falls in place just right like a Disney fairy-tail or Hallmark movie. I was an extremely lonely pragmatic instead of a romantic idealist.


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Yesterday, 1:27 pm

I never cared for the whiners. Even before I met my wife, I enjoyed doing normal social things, by my standards, and living life. With how much I know of suffering, its always perplexing that people who seem to either suffer the least or who have not known the truth depths of despair are always the loudest. I have at least a dozen different fronts of things to deal with, but complaining isn't one of them.

Though it seems interesting, or at least amusing, to consider how many people are unaware that someone is or has been interested in them. At least that is a plight almost everyone faces in one way or another.