Why Do People Refuse To Practice Social Skills?

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You're twisting words and misinterpreting again. Context effects usage and word meaning. Context has been an important factor this entire time and has been mentioned previously. As for the other point, I was merely attempting to keep things civil and answer in good faith that you did not intend to insult me and even extended an apology in the event that that was indeed your intent. Though, if it were then that would become problematic.
Plenty of the science I've seen does not agree, but I am not going to debate this with you. It's a moot point since neither of us can objectively say whether or not I am good or bad at debating/arguing. I can only subjectively say that I think I am bad at it while you have said I "seem to have developed some skill at it", clearly a different opinion of my skill than I hold. It could easily be a case of the reverse version of the dunning-kruger effect where I am actually good at it and am simply underestimating my own skills. It could also easily be the case that I am actually bad at it but you are worse at it so I "seem to have developed some skill at it" by comparison. There are alot of possibilities here.

Because some people thrive on being alone instead of with other people. But USA and maybe Canada are too extrovertive a society, and think introverts bad.

The video is a humorous example of both missing the point, and making things far more complicated than they need to be. When you put that much thought into every tiny behavior, it becomes an act. Just passively listening, w/o getting lost in your own internal thoughts like the fella in the video did, is enough to work on. You're building the executive functioning skill to hear and process another's words. There's no need to complicate it with a facial performance worthy of Mr. Bean. Be a blank statue, but actually HEAR what the person is saying.

As you get better, then things like occasional head-nod or "mm-hmm" will come more naturally, as you're actually hearing and acknowledging what they're saying, rather than trying to remember made-up rules like "nod every 3 seconds and raise your eyebrows by 4 milimeters" as fella in the video was doing.

Someone will say something that you agree with, or that makes sense, and you'll nod cos you agree, cos you heard what they said, and weren't lost in your own little world. As you get better at listening without having to work at listening, then other behaviors can start to come out.

I think autistic individuals tend to misinterpret "NT culture" to such a profound degree that they invent rules and schema that don't even exist. Like fella being overly concerned with where his hands were, of if his eyebrows were raised the correct amount, or nodding enough, or too much - most people don't care about any of that to any degree, as long as you're engaged in some form or another. The "rules" aren't that strict. But before that, you have to be able to actually listen effectively. Learn that first. Then worry about body language.

I think another thing that tends to interfere with autistics is that we tend to expect rules with precise instructions and specific parameters - so when we're presented with broad and vague rules, we reflexively try to impose structure, even where there is none, and that also burns us out and makes us look fake.

Additionally, some NTs have social expectations that are unreasonable even to other NTs, and it's important to know which expectations are and aren't reasonable - but that's a later skill, not a beginner skill. Also, expectations can change with context, and sometimes those changes may seem like arbitrary "conformity", but actually do exist for a reason - one you're simply unaware of. Learning to code-shift and "read the room" is also not a beginner's skill.

Social standards are built upon lots of trial and error, and even though the average person may not be able to articulate why something is done a certain way, doesn't mean it doesn't actually have an explanation. Most people aren't trained psychologists or behaviorists, to be able to explain such phenomenon with precision.

It isn't just autistic people who have come up with these "rules and schema." Some very counterproductive (IMO) "rules and schema" are commonly taught by ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) practitioners, occupational therapists, and special ed teachers, supposedly as a way to teach social skills to autistic children. See, for example, the following critiques of something called "whole body listening" that is commonly taught to autistic children in special ed:

- Why I Hate Whole Body Listening: Thoughts from an OT by Laura Petix.
- The Problem(s) with "Listening" Larry

More generally, I am under the impression that ABA practitioners have always put a lot of emphasis on eye contact -- which is difficult for many autistic people, even painful for some of us.

Anyhow, to what extent these "rules and schema" actually exist and actually matter in the real world varies by locale. For example, according to my partner who has lived in various parts of the U.S.A., eye contact is apparently less important here in NYC than it is in many other places, such as California. More generally, outside the U.S.A., different cultures have very different attitudes regarding eye contact.

I meant what I said in good faith. I do believe you possess some skill at arguing / debating. To be clear though, it is entirely possible for you to have some skill at something, but not enough skill to be "good", per se. For example, one might have enough skill to beat the average novice at chess, maybe know a few basic strategies and how to use them, but still isn't good enough to beat an experienced chess player.

I disagree that it's a moot point though. Many people are in fact capable of determining the level of skill of others, from teachers, to talent scouts, to training managers.

What you're referring to is called "Imposter Syndrome", where you are good at something, but think you aren't - and is another possibility in addition to the above, that you do in fact possess some skill at arguing, and that you simply don't see it, even though I do.

Some of your possibilities are not as "easily the case" as you seem to think they are.

My social interactions use a lot of context. I have a lot of experience with different situations, having grown up in isolated rural, big city, and suburban homes. I'm also transgender and frequently misgendered, so I have plenty of experience from different gender perspectives as well!

Why Do People Refuse To Practice Social Skills?

For the same reason I don't shake a bottle of Coke.

Then I appreciate the flattery and thank you. And, yes, there are indeed many people that are capable of determining the level of skill of others. They're not always good at the thing that they're capable of determining the skill level of themselves though. In my own experience, sometimes the people whose job (teachers) it is to determine the skill level of others aren't very good at determining anybody's skill level, be it that of others or their own, but I'd really rather not recall those experiences... I'm mostly saying it's a moot point in this case, regarding my level of skill at debating/arguing, because both of our opinions are subjective. And, yes, what you listed is also possible. There are numerous possible explanations and none can be declared with absolute certainty.

Applied Behavioral Analysis is a whole other kettle of fish, which could fill (and probably deserves) a whole different thread, and which I would be happy to discuss, in said other thread. Suffice to say, there are indeed problems with ABA and how it's utilized, as well as with the people implementing it - but those are not the schema I am referring to. I am referring to "self-taught" individuals who claim to have "figured out society" simply by observing, and coming to conclusions - sometimes wildly inaccurate conclusions.

Your partner is correct. Even within america, culture is varied and diverse. Being aware of these cultural differences, and being able to code shift, is an advanced social skill that not even many NT's are good at. It's usually the basis for a lot of "fish out of water" themed movies. Farm kid moves to big city, big-city girl moves to small town, surfer dude moves to land-locked state, rich guy and poor guy trade places, etc..

Which is all the more reason I would emphasize learning very basic skills that apply anywhere - like just listening, without any additional window-dressing or bonus tasks like the guy was doing. Don't worry about anything else except listening to what the other person is saying, with the intent to remember and understand, without drifting off. Get ok at that first, then worry about the next thing.

Real-world skills are not unlike skill-trees in video games. You don't always get to unlock whatever skill you want whenever you want. Higher level skills often depend on the ability to first accomplish a lower level skill - or sometimes more than one lower-level skill. Sometimes you need a certain amount of experience. Some skills take more experience than others. Sometimes it means going on a quest to learn a new technique from a specialist or master in that craft.

You're welcome.

While it's true that some people aren't good at their jobs, many people are quite good at their jobs.

Even from the perspective of "nothing is knowable with absolute certainty", many things are assumed to be true with reasonable confidence none the less. Observing that nothing is knowable with "absolute certainty" really just serves to muddy the waters, and works as a nice weapon against actual expertise. If by some chance an expert did show up, you can just claim "you can't know that for certain!" and act like expert opinions are just as questionable as any other opinion.

Anyways, are you declaring with "absolutely certainty" that it's moot? Are you "absolutely certain" that our opinions are equally subjective?