Hi everyone,
I’m in a relationship with someone whose behavior has made me curious for a while now. I’m wondering if some of what I’m noticing might align with high-functioning autism or Asperger’s — though I’m not trying to label or diagnose, just looking for some insight from people who might recognize these traits or have personal experience.
Here are some patterns I’ve observed:
He doesn’t believe in comforting others unless there’s something concrete he can do. To him, words of encouragement feel pointless if they don’t fix the problem.
He generally avoids socializing and finds it exhausting or pointless, unless there's a clear benefit or obligation. That said, when he does engage, he can be extremely polite, warm, and even charming — which is part of what drew me to him at first.
He avoids eye contact with strangers and chooses seats in public where he won’t face people directly.
He’s highly sensitive to smells — some cause nausea or discomfort.
He always wears headphones and listens to music, even for short walks alone.
He’s very rule-oriented — even in romantic relationships. Everything is seen as two-sided and contractual, with clear expectations and fairness.
He doesn’t really connect with poetry, and seems confused by figurative or abstract expressions. He tends to take things literally, and if I say something vaguely or casually, he gets frustrated.
Certain sounds, like two fabrics rubbing together, really bother him.
Unless I explicitly ask him to do something, he won’t intuitively offer help — even if it seems obvious between close partners. And even if he helps once, I have to ask again next time for similar tasks.
His facial expressions can seem flat when everyone’s laughing. Then suddenly he might laugh, then go back to neutral within a second — almost like switching masks.
He doesn’t seem to have a strong sense of personal identity — many of his views and habits feel like copies of his parents.
He strongly dislikes being touched by strangers in public, and even in private, he has a fixed “quota” for physical affection like hugging.
He’s obsessed with cleanliness and is even sensitive to dust in the air.
At the same time, he’s emotionally very sharp — especially with me. He can tell how I’m feeling just from my face or tone. He’s honest, caring, and sometimes much better at expressing his emotions than I am. So sometimes I wonder: if this were autism, how can he be so emotionally perceptive?
I’m not trying to label him, but I’d really appreciate hearing if any of this sounds familiar or resonates with your own experience. Thanks in advance.
Today, 11:58 am
