What are your pet peeves in social situations?

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A few of them

1. Whenever someone seems to play mind games by asking you a question. When you answer, that person says "No that's not my question." That one really pushes my buttons. Another thing they do is "That still does not tell me anything."

2. Whenever someone asks you for something or they agree to do something with you. Then when it boils down to it, this person ends up springing it up on you that they have to get XYZ first. To make it worse, they take their time doing XYZ and then wondering why you left or got mad at them.

I don't understand why friends say that they really like my directness but when my directness is focused on them, they get upset.

Nobody likes being criticized, even if they recognize that being criticized is a necessary evil.

A person who appreciates directness is a person who (like me) would rather be criticized than be ghosted or given the silent treatment or mysterious bad vibes. The person might even recognize that listening to criticism is a necessary step toward resolving an interpersonal problem.

But still, it's not fun. It's just the least of the evils.

My pet peeves include:

1) Being compelled or pressured to wear uncomfortable clothing. I avoid "formal" events for that reason.

2) Cliquish groups that are supposedly open to new members, but make no effort to help newcomers feel welcome.

If it's any consolation, it has been my experience that your #1 is not a mind game, but a misunderstanding. Either you've misunderstood the context of their question, or they've misunderstood the context of the answer. Like if someone asked "where are you from" and you start listing all the places you lived, but they meant "what is your heritage". (lazy example, hopefully it conveys the idea) Not everyone is adept with words, and sometimes what they mean to ask doesn't get communicated as clearly as could ideally be - and when the answer doesn't match the question they asked, as they see it, the got an answer that didn't match the intent of their question.

Same goes for "that tells me nothing". It usually means someone didn't understand the intent of the question asked or the answer given, and while information was provided, it didn't answer the intended question. I usually remedy either of the above by saying "sorry then, I seem to have missed the intent of your question - what sort of answer were you expecting?" - and give a revised answer based on additional context - or, if it didn't help, simply say I dunno what else to tell them then. But rest assured, it's generally not intended as a mind game or to wind you up.

Your #2 is def annoying tho.



Usually when this happens, what they mean is, they like your ability to say things they wish they could say, and that you saying them means they don't have to. They like it cos it goes in line with their personal beliefs. Once it gets turned towards them, it goes against their self-image. Nobody likes to see themselves as the bad guy, even if the title is deserved.



#1 is very unpleasant. I have a special dislike of neckties, in addition to a general dislike of restrictive clothes.

#2 is quite annoying as well.

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I suppose one of my peeves would be when people act like you should be just as excited about something as they are - esp if it's something they just bring up out of nowhere, rather than something you asked about. Like I'm happy for you, but I don't share your enthusiasm, sry.

Nice post Summer_Twilight, (ps: I love that time of day as well )

I think many(if not most) of our 'peeves' can fall into my 'all time favorite' category: Why do our NT peers, create social rules and DO NOT stick to them, worse even, when I bypass a one of their rules, I get ostracized, but when they do so and I remark upon it... oh boy...

oooooh yes, many many maaaany of my daily peeves fall into this category...
but I found that understanding this, I've started to expect it, doesn't mean it doesn't irritate me, but to me at least I can shrug it of with a (internal) laugh.

kr,
Kada

A valuable tip I've learned, is to ask NT people the following golden question:

What is the context?

So for example, the NT person asks "where are you from"? And you don't have a clear or comfortable sense of where they plan to go with this line of questioning. Any tiny sense of doubt or puzzlement is enough. Owing to catching these feelings, these cues, one doesn't take the obvious next step (of just answering it, too easily and straightforward, as Autistic people are known to do), but rather responds with another question:

What is the context?

Please take your sweet time pausing, before answering, and please use it often my friends!

I don't criticise people I think. When they ask for my opinion and don't like it, I don't think that's criticism.
And when I do feel hurt by others and tell them, I always start with: 'I feel this when you...' but still they can pick up on that as criticism, I suppose.

I agree with you, I'd prefer directness over being given the silent treatment, for sure. At least everyone knows where they stand.

Yes, I do understand what you're saying. Even when I do start telling people who've hurt me with the words: 'I feel this when you...' they can pick up on that as criticism.

A few other ones of mine

1. Whenever someone makes it sound like they want to see you or do something like go to lunch. Then as soon as you are about to take off with them, their phone rings and it's "Sorry, I need to take this."

2. When talk to me like I am clueless.

It is indeed criticism, albeit constructive criticism, rather than hostile criticism, if you try to express it in as respectful (yet clear) a manner as you can.

The whole "how are you" exchange

Pet Peeves...? let me think ? Humans ..? thanks for this thread.Sorry I used it to vent.

When people tell things in every little detail before getting to the point.

(Not referring to anyone here, I'm just talking about in general, offline).

Yeah, both of those scenarios push a lot of my buttons too — especially as someone who’s autistic and already putting effort into being clear and direct.

When someone says “That’s not my question” after you’ve just answered the question they asked? That’s either them being deliberately vague, or they’re playing some manipulative word game — and I don’t have time or patience for that. If you want a specific answer, then ask a specific question. Don’t make me guess what you actually meant while acting like I’m the one not making sense.

The second thing — yeah, I really can’t stand when people agree to something, make it seem like it’s a solid plan, and then suddenly throw in a “but I need to do XYZ first” at the last minute. It’s even worse when they take their sweet time doing that thing and act confused when I walk off or get annoyed. Like… what did you expect? I don’t like having my time wasted, and I hate when people pretend they didn’t know what they were doing.

It’s not just inconsiderate — it feels like they’re treating me like I don’t matter. And then I’m the bad one for reacting. No — that kind of inconsistency and indirectness is exactly what I can’t deal with. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. And don’t expect me to hang around while you stall, especially when I was upfront from the start.

oh god yeah Going round the World Just to say what they went all out to say only 10mins later when you have lost all interest in what they are actually saying and zoned out thinking about what your Going to do for dinner later or What Show you intend to watch tonight. Only to Get the 'Are you listening'? Snapping you back to hear the last part of the information you were waiting for.