Punished as an adult for acting a certain way when younger

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My mother believes this about herself.

I feel this way about myself. I was very selfish as a young person.

Does anyone feel this way about themselves? Karma is coming back.

Part of me feels it is not karma but instead that I may be punishing myself because I feel so bad about how I was.

Does either of you use this insight to improve yourself?

I did stuff I am not proud of and some does have impact on me now... But I don't really see it as punishment.

If karma was real the world wouldn't be run by a**holes. In the real world, bullies end up on top.

I got karma with my neighbours. When I was growing up we lived next door to an old man who hated children, and he resented us because we were a family (even though it was a 3-bedroom council house with a large backyard, designed for families). I was also noisy for him because I was often screaming (ADHD).

Now I'm paying the price by living below sh***y neighbours with kids.

After I became an adult my mom told me various things that implied she believed I would have been a lot more successful with employment & life if I had done things differently as a kid & teen. Like if I had applied myself in school I could have gone to college & gotten a decent job & if I tried making friends when I was in school I would have people in my life who could help me out with things. I think my mom was very frustrated & wanting something to blame. Whereas I feel like the fact I was born with various disabilities & issues set me up for major challenges & struggles in life & I realistically could not have done much better without some kind of outside help even if I had actually tried harder in school & harder at making friends. If I wanted to go to college I would have failed college & my parents would of been out a bit of money & if I had made friends they likely would have been bad people who would of gotten me in trouble. Claiming that I would be doing a lot better if I had only wanted to during my school years comes off to me as victim blaming. Wondering about these types of What If scenarios is pointless for me since I can not change my past. It's better for me to focus on the present & what I can realistically do to improve my present & future. That said I do feel very bad about various things I've done in my life & problems I caused for others. I try to learn from that to avoid repeat mistakes but I'm not gonna tell myself that my present & future would be better for me if I had not made those mistakes. That line of thinking comes off to me like I should not do anything to try improving my life because I deserve all the bad stuff I get due to my previous screw-ups.